Sweet War

Today the countries of Lou and Mulan were embroiled in a catastrophic battle over an alleged theft of sweet confections. The government of Mulan accuses the population of Lou of the taking of her delectable candy.

The Mulan Federation suggested that the Nation of Lou invaded her territory in what appears to be an attempt of terrorism. Lou covertly ousted the confections of mass ingestion from Mulan, which incited a war between the two countries. There were tensions between the two from a previous riotous encounter involving a territorial claim of a pair of jeans last week. This has lead to an on-going crisis between the two.

An eyewitness recounts the dispute.

Kingdom of Mulan: Who took my candy?

Lou Commonwealth: It is my candy too.

Union of Mulan: You already ate your part. Give it back!

Principality of Lou: (ingesting another piece of candy) Nope...

Independent State of Mulan: I’m getting my candy… (Grabs at candy)

The screeching hostile territories of Mulan & Lou: MMMAAAMMMAAA!!!!

Enters the nation of Switzermama.

The neutral nation of Switzermama: (exasperated) Y’all share the candy…

Mulan Republic: THAT is MY candy!!!!

Mulan proceeds to push Lou...

The Grand Duchy of Lou: I’m ABOUT to punch YOU in the FACE!!!!

The Sultanate of Mulan: BRING….. IT….. ON!!!!!

Switzermama rolls her eyes, shrugs & walks off… (But not after she slyly embezzles her own piece of candy.)

Mulan and Lou mount offensive and defensive operative measures simultaneously

After many strategic tactical measures, Mulan mounts a strike & removes the candy from Lou’s possession. Mulan then hastily retreats.

Lou launches pillow missiles strikes. Mulan trips over the small peaceful nation of Cleo leaving minor damage.
Lou launches a second pillow missile strike hitting the densely populated region of Mulan, called “The Buttocks.” No casualties were reported.

Mulan escapes to safety & shoves the coveted candy in her mouth while singing a victory song. Lou promises retaliation in the future.

Neither nation could be reached for comment and refused all attempts for interviews. The nation of Switzermama had this comment.

“Sometimes there is no peaceful solution when two hormonal nations are in a bitter (yet sweet) war over the priceless commodity of chocolate.”

Unwell...

Just how unwell can you get?

Stomach virus… need I say more… I had it yesterday. It has gone through my office infecting every coworker at varying degrees. I have to say I had it to the less degree than most of my coworkers. I was lucky… but still it wears you down… makes my defenses weak. Not just physically but emotionally.

I have been feeling the emotional weakness begin to creep in this week. I’ve been blue. Depressed… just crummy feeling. I have begun to miss Moonpie. This was not good… not good at all.

I’m not sure what triggered it. It could have been Louise & Lightning Bug’s marriage. They were friends of ours. Now since Moonpie left they are only my friends. Hey, that is what happens when you abandon people… even friends.

Anyway, Louise & LB have had their ups & downs. LB stepped up his game though and proved how much he loved Louise. I am very happy that they are married. I want both of them to be so happy. But… it made me wish Moonpie could have done that for me…not necessarily the marriage thing… just proving how much he loved me…

I haven’t heard from Moonpie since his last short email about a month or so ago. I have sent him some forward emails and even the “I hate you” email with no response. So why did I have to send him an email about Louise & LB’s marriage? I guess I wanted him to see there are happy endings in life even if they are not mine. Moonpie responded. He said lots of things that are a stark contrast of his actions. He loves me still (yet he left me)… that kind of thing.

Since reading his email, the emotions have been whirling around in this thick head and soft heart of mine. The heart has been singing… “He loves me, he loves me…” My head has been screaming… “Get real idiot… look what he did to you!” Then throw in my stomach turmoil with it own mantra…”I’m gonna vomit…” You see what I mean by unwell… I am so very unwell… not ill… (okay, maybe a little with the stomach)… but unwell… unhealthy… maybe a little mad (in the mental reference)

On the way home yesterday, while trying not to spew… and keeping the sphincter clinched… I lost the emotions… You know there is only so much you can hold in. I was tired and felt bad… something had to give… (Thank God, it wasn’t the sphincter control)… On the radio, that new song by Lesley Roy came on… it is called “Unbeautiful”… I lost the control of my emotions. I sobbed & screamed & cursed & prayed… I ran the gambit of every emotion I had in me… It was a 45 minute drive home so I had plenty of time to expend it all. By the time I got home I had some “swole” up eyes (In the south it is swole… not swelled) & I was exhausted.

I went to bed and pretty much slept pitifully with everything playing in my head and in my heart with a few stomach stabbings thrown in for good measure. I woke up at midnight drenched in sweat. My tummy felt better and my thick head had won out over my soft heart. I know there is no way he could have loved me and did the things he did… It doesn’t make it any easier knowing that. I’m probably still a little unwell in this department. What did make me feel better is: I was over the virus for the most part…and I did not blow chunks not one time… and the fact that I have excellent sphincter control…

All about me... there will be a test...

Liz is part of my name & not the name I go by in public.

I am 40… fat, fair, & fertile (at least before tubal this year)… that means I am more likely to get gallstones than other age demographics.

I am a registered nurse (that’s why I know about gallstones), but I no longer do the usual nurse like duties… I work with nursing and computers in the information technology department.

I have two daughters that are teenagers. Their nicknames are Lou and Mulan. They are the source of my joy and my insanity.

I have 3 cats, Cash, Skyler, and Cleo. I also have 5 dogs, Toby, Sparky, Anna, Layla, and Coco. Anna is a 3 legged hunting dog we adopted.

I live in a rural part of Mississippi. (okay, that was stupid… Mississippi is about all rural…)

I live across from my mom and dad… my heroes along with being my nosey neighbors.

I live near my only sister. I am the oldest. She is the prettiest. I am the friendliest. She is the funniest. We look nothing alike.

My blood type is B positive just like my personality. My sister’s is B negative just like her personality…hee, hee…

My best friend, Q (not really her name), is a fellow nurse and co-worker. We met in nursing school and have been friends for approximately 16 years.

I am divorced from Lou and Mulan’s father after 13 years of marriage. I have been divorced for 3 or 4 years… I’ve lost count.

People probably think Q and I are lesbians because we are so close, but we are not. Q is married. People probably think it is a cover…

I was bit on the face by a German Shepherd in the 4th grade. I have only two little scars from it. I peed in my pants when it happened…

Jesus is my Savior and I am his problem child. I am a registered Baptist, but I am more spiritual than religious.

Since I told you that I might as well confess a sin as well… I cuss way too much with the “F” word being one of my favorite words. I am still a sinner even though I am spiritual. I am not perfect… nor do I pretend to be.

I try not to say the “F” word in the presence of my kids. I figure they will be saying it soon enough without me influencing them.

I am addicted to Diet Mountain Dews. I piss straight Diet Dew some days… Is that TMI?

I love to read. My favorite author is Dean Koontz.

Some of my favorite songs are “She talks to angels” by The Black Crowes, “Me and Bobby McGee” by Janis Joplin, “When a man loves a woman” by Percy Sledge, “18th floor Balcony” by Blue October and “Superfreak” by Rick James.

I love rock music! AC/DC, Aerosmith, The Black Crowes, Blue October, Janis Joplin and others…

My favorite comedian is Jeff Dunham with his puppets.

I have too many favorite movies to name, but I’m very partial to any 80’s movies… Maximum Overdrive, Night of the Comet, Breakfast Club, etc.

I love to visit cemeteries when no one is there. Not at night… during the day, during sunshine… it is quiet and you can think and put all your problems in perspective… cause in the end… is it really gonna matter?

Anything else you wanna know?

Brrrrr.... winter ramblings..

Brrrrrr….
It has been cold here this week.
I live in the north part of my state.
Last time I checked Mississippi is still in the south.
Why does it have to be so cold then?
I know it is winter.
I hate winter.
I hate being cold.
It makes me hurt.
It makes me grumpy.
My hands & feet are the coldest.
I swear I must have Raynaud’s.
I bet I do.
I always think I have something though.
Can you say hypochondria?
I complain constantly of my hands being cold at work.
A co-worker bought me fingerless gloves to shut me up.
They allow me to type accurately.
But now my fingers are freezing.
I may have to do a little inaccurate typing.
You think it would be warm inside.
But I think it snows in our office.
I begged God to give me a house on the beach.
I told him I’d learn to like sand.
Sand bugs me.
But I’d learn to love it for the sun and warmth.
I’m still waiting on that blessing to arrive.
So I sit here with fingerless gloves & a quilt…
Inside…
Shivering…





Post Scriptum

I have 2 followers...yay me! Or better yet... Yay them! They are my beloved "Andy" from Wild ARS Chase and "Kylie" from RandomThoughts by Kylie. I am so excited... even in the cold.



Hey, Kylie, I've tried to post comments on your blogs, but couldn't... Either your comments are messed up or I'm remedial....



Thank you guys for reading! It is much appreciated... Maybe it will get better with time. lol

Life requires a big box of crayons.

While relatively new to blogging on this site, I decide after reading Wild ARS Chase‘s blog to take his challenge. I have to admit I’ve read what some of the other bloggers have written, and I am more than a little bit intimidated. There are some awesome blogs out there. And I also have to admit I want to impress Andy... I think I have crush on him... Let’s face it, we don’t have many metrosexuals where I live in the South so he totally fascinates me... Of course, Capricorn has nothing to worry about because I am a Virgo... & you know what they say about Virgos... yeah... um, what do they say about Virgos? Because I really have no idea, but I hope it is fanciful and exciting... Oh, yeah, and then there is the whole age thing... Andy is even too young for this cougar... (rawr...yawn..) I know it hurts me too, Andy...

Okay, now that I have confessed my unwavering devotion to Andy and then gently let him down from the hope of a future with me, let me get back to the challenge...

Andy requested his readers to write a post about:
A) Something nobody knows about you, or
B) One of your favorite stories from your childhood, or
C) Your 10 Top Favorite (Fill in the Blank)

Oh, what to do... what TO do...

Heck let’s go with option B

I always liked fitting in with the other kids at school. I remember it started with the first grade. If one girl had a certain hair bow, then by all means I wanted one too. I remember that one little girl had the largest box of crayons that I had ever seen. It even had a crayon sharpener in the back of the box. Oh, how I envied that little girl... It made my box of 8 crayons look like a matchbox in a crate store. My mom heard for days about how I just had to have the box of 64 crayons. I was sure my social, along with intellectual, status at table number one depended on it. I never got that big gigantic box of crayons.... What was my fate to be in this world of crayon elitists? Would I ever be accepted by the others of table number one?

Weeks later, our teacher wanted to test our knowledge of math. We had been learning to add together single digit numbers. Now the teacher wanted to see how we did at subtraction of single digit numbers. We had never seen anything that was like on this sheet she handed us. Where was our beloved plus sign???? The teacher told us to try to figure out how to work it on our own. What??? She said, "If you need to, guess at the answer. I just want to see what you know. We will go over the answers later." Guess??? Is that allowed??? I looked around the table at the other kids... They looked back at me with confusion in their eyes.. Except for one girl... Samantha...

Samantha said, "Hey, I know how to do this. I’ll help you out. I have done this before." Then she proceed to help us out..... by telling us what to put down on our papers. I was so glad I was back in the fold since that disastrous crayon debacle. I was accepted... I was one of the masters of subtraction.... thanks to Samantha having done this before. Ahhh.... this almost made up for the on the wrong side of the crayon colored tracks.

The next day our teacher handed us back our papers. All of ours at table number one had a big "U" on them. Though I didn’t know what it meant at the time, I knew that couldn’t be a good thing. The teacher called all of our table to her desk at the front of the room. She said, " I gave you all an "U" for unsatisfactory on your papers. I told you to try to do the subtraction sheet. I did not tell you to copy off each others papers and cheat." What cheat???? What is that??? She continued saying, " You each will be getting a paddling for cheating. You should never use someone else’s answers.!" A paddling???? As like a whipping on my ever so tender bottom with that large piece of wood? Oh, I could fill the water works beginning... But I’m a good girl, I thought. Did this mean I was destined to wear the Scarlet "C" for cheater on my chest. My inner voice screamed, "But I don’t have the color scarlet in my crayon box! I only have red... No fancy color of scarlet!!! I can not do scarlet!!"

After the teacher gave me my paddling, I tearfully looked at her and whined, "but Samantha said she could help us with this. She said she knew how to do it because she done it before..."
The teacher looked at me with a sympathetic smile, " Well, Liz, Samantha has done it before. This is her second time in the first grade. She failed last year. I hope you learned your lesson."
As I did my walk of shame back to that blasted table number one, watching Samantha giggle about getting into trouble, I made a solemn vow to myself...I would never, ever name any my pets or beloved stuffed animals Samantha... and if I ever have a daughter, not only will her name not be Samantha, but I will always keep her supplied with a box of 64 crayons. Because at that moment in my heart... I knew this subtraction tragedy wouldn’t have happened if only I had a big box of crayons!!!!

Well, there you have it. The workings of my 6 year old brain. I must say my brain still rationalizes things like that...

(In)trepidation

Trepidation means timorous uncertain agitation or apprehension. Yeah, I looked it up on Merriam-Webster. I knew what it meant but I didn't know how to put it into words. But that is how I felt when I drove my Dodge Intrepid yesterday. Serious apprehension.... uncertain agitation... let's just add some major anxiety as well. It wasn't because of the car or it's performance. You see yesterday was the first time I have driven my car since I have gotten it back. After it was stolen by Moonpie.

I was very apprehensive about driving it again... because I knew the feelings were going to flood me again. The last time I was in this car I was happy. I had my Moonpie. Things were good. And now... now things are different.

I sat down in the car and tried not to think of the day that the sun was shining & Moonpie was driving and we had the windows down. The smile on our faces as we were singing and enjoying being together. Just me and him...no kids... that was very rare and precious. The passionate kisses... the holding of hands... the laughter. I tried not to think of looking at his profile and thinking of how lucky I was to have him in my life. I tried not to remember that but I failed...

I was suprised at myself though. Instead of tears this time, the anger came. I was angry that he took so much from me. I was angry that he stole my heart and broke it into the million pieces that I can't seem to recover. I was so damn angry that he hurt my girls and made them feel vunerable. I was angry for all the words that were said by him... I remember one of the very last sentences said to me..."You know I love you, right?"

With the anger arriving... the trepidation left... There was no uncertain agitation... I knew where my agitation was focused... there was no apprehension... The anger had finally arrived and I was welcoming it! And with that I knew... I'm going to be alright... I'm finding the pieces to my broken heart... it looks like a couple were found in my Intrepid.

Bad Day

I had kind of a bad day yesterday... It was trying to rain here so old softball injuries where really bothering me. My sinuses were still on the fritz, & so I was feeling overall crummy.

Then my BFF gave me a talking to because I didn't stay on budget like she said for me to... She is helping me sort out my financial disaster of the summer...(She has basically taken control... Thank God!) So she was very disappointed in me.

My job was a pain yesterday. I was "on call" so when problems arise I got the calls. So at my daughter's basketball game... I got called out several times & missed most of the game. Not that it mattered because when the coach asked her if she wanted to play... she said, "no". She is having major issues with shyness right now. So between the calls I was getting & the trying to boost my oldest daughter, Lou's confidence... I was stressed.

Once we get home, my youngest daughter, Mulan, shows me her progress report. Several F's... 2 D's, & 1 C... I just burst out crying... I was so tired... & stressed... My youngest daughter has been battling with her grades since kindergarten... We go for ADD testing on Friday... I'll try anything to help her.

So yesterday was not a good day... I just had a bad day!

Even though today is has not started out great... it is rainy & cold... & my sinuses are still yucky... I'm going to think positive... I know we have to have the bad days to appreciate the good ones... & you know things could always be worse... I just keep telling myself "this too shall pass"!




Side note : I did find an artist that I am crazy about his work... It is different yet very beautiful. Check out http://www.waystudios.com/

I think I have found a skill...

I played poker for the first time this weekend... but what is the weirdest thing is I won... Crazy, huh? I wish I could say I was that skilled & caught on quickly but who am I kidding? Half the time I was thinking I had something else when I laid down my cards like a pair... but the people I was playing with would say, "Wow, you got a flush!" or "You go, you have a straight".... So I can't take any credit for it really... It was Beginner's luck or God's grace...lol I just got great cards most of the time. I think the guys I was playing poker with really got frustrated with me... they kept saying they didn't know how to read me. They said I would just bet on anything which tickled me cause it was true... but, hey, it worked didn't it... I won!!! Even if I didn't mean to do it! I had a great time, but dang, it was a little long. We started playing at around 7:30 pm & finished at 1:15 in the morning... I was exhausted, but absolutely happy about winning...

The rest of the weekend was spent recovering from staying out so late. I felt like a zombie. I guess the Bud Light Lime that I drank didn't help matters either. Tasted good at that moment. I also had to try a cigar. Even though I don't smoke... I have always wanted to puff on a cigar. So I did... &.... it is not something I want to do again... I think it has triggered my allergies cause now my sinuses are killing me. Note to self: Even though it looks a helluva lot cooler than just smoking a cigarette... Cigar smoking is still smoking, dumbass... Lesson learned on that!

Now the poker... I may have to get into that... seems like I may have some skill at it... Look out Tunica... or maybe even Las Vegas... yeah, whatevah...lol...

Skyler's follow up note...=^..^=

I got Skyler home yesterday after her surgical procedure... She made sure she howled all the way home which is a 45 minute drive from the clinic to our house. (at least she didn't pee everywhere again...) I had put her in the front seat with me thinking that she may need me in her altered state in case she was sick & too groggy to move & couldn't keep from choking on vomit or something... I was so wrong! That cat was climbing & banging on her pet carrier... screeching & howling... I was a nervous wreck! I even stopped & got her some beef jerky to shut her up... It did no good! The howling continued all the way home... I just joined in after awhile.



As soon as I let her out of the pet carrier. She did not make another sound. She went straight to her food & ate. And glared at me with disdain. She also bounced around & climbed to the very tip top of my kitchen cabinets to jump across the kitchen... WTH??? I do believe I was down for a little bit after I had surgery... I guess cats are different. I think Skyler would just say I'm a wimp!



I do think the anesthesia did something to her brain though... She was wild! But she looks cute when she lies back & you can see her fat little shaved belly with the big green tattoo ink spot! I wonder why the vet picks the color green to mark them? Hmmm... at least she will never get pinched on St. Patty's Day!

Cats... getting cut & not making the cut...

When the infamous stealing, lying, former boyfriend, Moonpie, was actually someone I loved dearly, he wanted a cat to live with him in his apartment. Now I tried to gently remind him that his lease says "NO PETS" but he insisted that one little cat wouldn't matter to them. So my daughters & I went with him to look at some free kittens. Now this was at the beginning of our relationship, & he was trying to get in good with my girls... so he suggested that they also get a kitten. I wasn't exactly for that because... well, we already had the best cat in the world, my cat, Cash... & we just recently lost the cat from hell that tore our whole house apart, Feebs... Also we had 5 dogs to take care of... so I didn't want anymore animals... period! But of course, my girls pouting, Moonpie's cunning personality & me, being the biggest sucker ever.... we got two new kittens... & they were wild ass kittens...

Fast forward, a few weeks later & Moonpie gets the eviction notice that if he doesn't get rid of the cat then he is gone... So yep, you guessed it... Miss Sucker here gets that cat too. So now I have 3 cats at my house. But that wasn't the worst cause dang, if eventually I didn't get Moonpie too... hmmm...

After Moonpie moved in with me & the girls, I actually thought life was going to be lovely with 3 cats (Cash, Cleo, & Skyler). Moonpie was very attentive to them. They loved him... even the grumpy old cat, Cash... (who likes no one, but me)... We were a big happy family!

Then one morning I wake up & go into the room that Moonpie slept in & attempted to snuggle next to him. Something very small pushed it's way between him & me. OH, now, wait a minute... this is much smaller than our other cats.... I be damned if it was the cutest, littlest kitten & he had a bobbed tail... But crap, he was still a cat!!!!! oh, no, no, no, NO!

Of course, Moonpie came up with some story of finding him outside in the yard.... (Really with all of our dogs???) He had to save him. My girls immediately fell in love with him... They crooned, "Look, Mama, he is just so tiny... Look he is even sucking on our clothes! Awwww!" I ask you what is a gullible sucker of a woman to do?!?! So here came another cat into our family circle... Moonpie wanted to call him Lucky. My youngest came up with the name Llama Bean. She said because "he looks like a llama when he runs & he is as little as a bean." So Lucky Llama Bean became his name or L. L. Bean or just Bean for short. We should have called him Sir Shits-a-lot... cause that is what he did... & never in the litter box... no matter how many times we showed him how... (no we didn't shit in the litter box... you know what I mean...) Aren't cat's born with this innate ability???? Not Bean... Also the sucking got worse... & as he grew it wasn't so cute... & ewww... it weirded me out.

I insisted we get these cats "fixed"! We first got Cleo fixed... I can never remember if it is spayed or neutered... It is neutered for males right? Anyway, we didn't want him to start that awful spraying stuff... have you ever??? man, nasty stuff... He did fine with the little surgical procedure...

So my little misfit family just trucks it right along until the big abandonment from Moonpie. You know it is one thing to abandoned me & my girls... but helllllooooo.... what about the cats.... So I get stuck with a now neutered male with a girl's name (Cleo... really Cleopatra), a female cat who is in heat & screeching the most pitiful song (Skyler) & the most shitting, not to mention he nurses constantly on my clothes, cat ever (Bean).... Is this Karma??? I don't think I ever did anything to animals that might have resulted in this... okay, wait, there were those possums that time... but really, Lord, I tried...

After another month of cleaning up kitty cat crap & pulling the furry suction cup off of me five hundred times a day... I finally gave Bean away yesterday. I had given him chance after chance to hit the litter box but finally after having to move my king size bed for the second time to clean up cat shit... He had to go... Let's just say the natives (my kids) are not happy with me. But hey, do they want their mom closer to sanity or slowly becoming the crazy old cat lady?... I just couldn't handle it... Anyway, the lady who got Bean will take care of him so I'm not too worried.

Today has been another day in the cat business... I took the screeching Skyler to get spayed... (or is that neutered???) Of course, I had her in the very back of my Expedition in the pet carrier but that didn't keep her from howling all the way... She finally got very quiet & I smelled a strong ammonia odor... Yep, she pissed all over herself & was happy... I, on the other hand, almost wrecked & gagged before I could get my windows open... When I got to the clinic I carried the pet carrier at arms length telling the vet tech... "She had a little accident..." That little vet tech gave me the most appreciative look.... (not hardly)...

So now I wait... I go get Skyler later & all my kitties will be fixed... No more baby kitties... Yippie ki yay!!!

And I hope & I pray that no other cats are brought to me to care for in a very long, long time.

And as far as Moonpie... May the fleas of a thousand cats infest his crotch for abandoning us... Cleo now loves me best... so there!

That's not harsh, is it???? Nah, that would be justice... =^. .^=

UnAmerican???

I didn't go vote yesterday. And I got reamed for it... I've been told I'm unAmerican... I have been criticized extensively...

You know I have voted every election probably since I turned 18 years old. But this year I made a conscious effort not to go vote. I honestly did not want to vote.

I had no idea who I wanted to vote for. I was totally undecided. Maybe I am even a little disillusioned with the government. Does any politician really do what they say they are going to do???

So I made the choice not to go vote. I let everyone else decide for me. That is something I do believe in... that if you don't make a choice... someone will make the choice for you... So I voluntarily let that happen.

So I took the election year off this year... I will probably vote the next election. I will serve my time when I'm called to jury duty. I will honor my country & pray for it daily. I will respect the president that we will have. I love the United States of America! But I used my freedom this time to not vote... So why am I catching so much flack from that???

The Adventures of Sunshine & Moonpie

I loved him. I loved him before I met him. I fell in love with his mind, his voice, his sense of humor and I thought his character.

I was absolutely crazy stupid over him. Even when I found out about some flaws that would normally be deal breakers for me... They didn't matter it was physical... He was a good person and he loved me... or so I thought...

Friends and family tried to hint and warn me. I think God tried to even warn me.. But I had become blind. The old saying proved true... LOVE IS BLIND.




Even after we were together the red flags appeared waving frantically in my face. All that I could see was how pretty they were and push them out of my way... so I could see him. He had me mesmerized. Even when more flaws presented themselves... they mattered very little... it was just a part of him. It wasn't going to affect how I felt. I could love him and any flaw... I believed in him... He was my beloved and I was his... right?

Even with the added stress of trying to financially keep it all together... even the added pressures he put on me... people saw how insanely happy I was. My friends and family wondered why he always seemed to have the worst luck... It didn't clue me to question why he was what he called himself, a "Schleprock"... He was my Schleprock and I would take care of him... As I always told him it is just another "Adventure of Sunshine and Moonpie". I thought we could make it through anything. We would last FOREVER...

Somehow... at sometime... forever became a very short moment in time.... He left to go on a short trip to take care of business... We made plans for Sunshine and Moonpie to have more adventures upon his return... But the return never happened.. Where is my Moonpie?
The red flags appeared again- more urgently than before... along with alarms from every direction. It became clear..... He was gone. And I was left to pay the price ALONE...
Emotions overwhelmed me... confusion, disbelief, shock... I felt lost... so alone... scared... and most of all hurt... complete and utter pain. The pain of him leaving me almost left me emotionally desolate.

All I could see and think was how blind I had been... how stupid I had become.. I was scared of myself and my own judgement... I was so wrong about him. I didn't believe the people I love and trust the most because I was too busy believing in him... trusting him... loving him.

And here I was alone. While he took from me my car, my money, my possessions, my trust and my heart. Even with losing all of that... that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was losing the respect of family, friends, and my sweet daughters. That is how I felt. That I had let everyone down ... especially my daughters. I had brought a man into not only my life but theirs for them to like and become part of our family. And he used it... and then he hurt us.... he took from my daughters and that is what upset me the most.

As I sat at home crying, distraught, and unable to form a rational thought, God watched out for me. He sent his angel and my very best friend to take care of me. I can't even began to explain how much she has taken care of me. She has let me cry and never judged me for my stupidity. Even when I know she was totally against the relationship from the beginning. She helped me and she is still helping me through one of the most trying times in my life. I can never express how very grateful I am that I have her in my life and I thank God for her everyday. I would do anything for her.

As the days have gone by, I see that my family and friends and especially my daughters don't think too badly of me. I have heard that they sill love and respect me. I have not heard one "I told you so.." I have found out that my family is so very awesome. I see that I actually do have the world's best parents and daughters a person could have. Also this has brought my sister and I so much closer, which I have been wishing would happen for a long time. The people that I work with have been so supportive of me. They have showered me with love and hugs and prayers. I am absolutely blessed to have a boss and work family that I have. My wonderful dear friends... I can never say enough "thank yous"... the emails, the texts, the phone calls, the hugs and all the shoulders I cried on have got me through the worst part. I don't think I could have made it without any of them. I have found out how loved I am when I didn't feel like I was worth loving at all...

Does this mean I am over it all???... God, I wish... I wish it was that easy. No, it is going to take me awhile to completely recover. As I said in a previous blog, the next time I fell in love I wasn't going to hold back. I was going to jump in with both feet and all of my heart. And man, did I do that! I LOVED that man with every part of me. And now every part of me is hurting. But my heart will recover... Time will see to that...


In the meantime, I'll have my good days and I'll have my bad days... The bad days happen when I miss him. I miss what "could have been" not what the reality was. Some days these are so intense and so very hard to bear. I know these days will get further apart... I know... nothing last forever...and didn't I just find out forever is only a short period of time???

Each day I find myself getting stronger and more sure of myself... each day my best friend and my daughters, friends and family are there if I stumble... Each day God shows me how wonderful and blessed my life actually is... because even though he took so much from me and at times I feel so alone... I am in reality not alone. I have a supportive family, lasting friendships, and the sweetest daughters who love me... for me and all of my mistakes...I am not the one who is alone.
It is obvious to me now that me and my daughters meant very little to him. That I as a partner meant so very little to him. He has something in his life that is way more important... whether it is drugs, another person or the voices in his head... I know now that it is not ME...

No one could have loved him more... believed in him more... or trusted him more...but that wasn't enough for him... He opted to abandon that...

And with that.... this concludes the adventures of Sunshine and Moonpie...