Just how unwell can you get?
Stomach virus… need I say more… I had it yesterday. It has gone through my office infecting every coworker at varying degrees. I have to say I had it to the less degree than most of my coworkers. I was lucky… but still it wears you down… makes my defenses weak. Not just physically but emotionally.
I have been feeling the emotional weakness begin to creep in this week. I’ve been blue. Depressed… just crummy feeling. I have begun to miss Moonpie. This was not good… not good at all.
I’m not sure what triggered it. It could have been Louise & Lightning Bug’s marriage. They were friends of ours. Now since Moonpie left they are only my friends. Hey, that is what happens when you abandon people… even friends.
Anyway, Louise & LB have had their ups & downs. LB stepped up his game though and proved how much he loved Louise. I am very happy that they are married. I want both of them to be so happy. But… it made me wish Moonpie could have done that for me…not necessarily the marriage thing… just proving how much he loved me…
I haven’t heard from Moonpie since his last short email about a month or so ago. I have sent him some forward emails and even the “I hate you” email with no response. So why did I have to send him an email about Louise & LB’s marriage? I guess I wanted him to see there are happy endings in life even if they are not mine. Moonpie responded. He said lots of things that are a stark contrast of his actions. He loves me still (yet he left me)… that kind of thing.
Since reading his email, the emotions have been whirling around in this thick head and soft heart of mine. The heart has been singing… “He loves me, he loves me…” My head has been screaming… “Get real idiot… look what he did to you!” Then throw in my stomach turmoil with it own mantra…”I’m gonna vomit…” You see what I mean by unwell… I am so very unwell… not ill… (okay, maybe a little with the stomach)… but unwell… unhealthy… maybe a little mad (in the mental reference)
On the way home yesterday, while trying not to spew… and keeping the sphincter clinched… I lost the emotions… You know there is only so much you can hold in. I was tired and felt bad… something had to give… (Thank God, it wasn’t the sphincter control)… On the radio, that new song by Lesley Roy came on… it is called “Unbeautiful”… I lost the control of my emotions. I sobbed & screamed & cursed & prayed… I ran the gambit of every emotion I had in me… It was a 45 minute drive home so I had plenty of time to expend it all. By the time I got home I had some “swole” up eyes (In the south it is swole… not swelled) & I was exhausted.
I went to bed and pretty much slept pitifully with everything playing in my head and in my heart with a few stomach stabbings thrown in for good measure. I woke up at midnight drenched in sweat. My tummy felt better and my thick head had won out over my soft heart. I know there is no way he could have loved me and did the things he did… It doesn’t make it any easier knowing that. I’m probably still a little unwell in this department. What did make me feel better is: I was over the virus for the most part…and I did not blow chunks not one time… and the fact that I have excellent sphincter control…
Stomach virus… need I say more… I had it yesterday. It has gone through my office infecting every coworker at varying degrees. I have to say I had it to the less degree than most of my coworkers. I was lucky… but still it wears you down… makes my defenses weak. Not just physically but emotionally.
I have been feeling the emotional weakness begin to creep in this week. I’ve been blue. Depressed… just crummy feeling. I have begun to miss Moonpie. This was not good… not good at all.
I’m not sure what triggered it. It could have been Louise & Lightning Bug’s marriage. They were friends of ours. Now since Moonpie left they are only my friends. Hey, that is what happens when you abandon people… even friends.
Anyway, Louise & LB have had their ups & downs. LB stepped up his game though and proved how much he loved Louise. I am very happy that they are married. I want both of them to be so happy. But… it made me wish Moonpie could have done that for me…not necessarily the marriage thing… just proving how much he loved me…
I haven’t heard from Moonpie since his last short email about a month or so ago. I have sent him some forward emails and even the “I hate you” email with no response. So why did I have to send him an email about Louise & LB’s marriage? I guess I wanted him to see there are happy endings in life even if they are not mine. Moonpie responded. He said lots of things that are a stark contrast of his actions. He loves me still (yet he left me)… that kind of thing.
Since reading his email, the emotions have been whirling around in this thick head and soft heart of mine. The heart has been singing… “He loves me, he loves me…” My head has been screaming… “Get real idiot… look what he did to you!” Then throw in my stomach turmoil with it own mantra…”I’m gonna vomit…” You see what I mean by unwell… I am so very unwell… not ill… (okay, maybe a little with the stomach)… but unwell… unhealthy… maybe a little mad (in the mental reference)
On the way home yesterday, while trying not to spew… and keeping the sphincter clinched… I lost the emotions… You know there is only so much you can hold in. I was tired and felt bad… something had to give… (Thank God, it wasn’t the sphincter control)… On the radio, that new song by Lesley Roy came on… it is called “Unbeautiful”… I lost the control of my emotions. I sobbed & screamed & cursed & prayed… I ran the gambit of every emotion I had in me… It was a 45 minute drive home so I had plenty of time to expend it all. By the time I got home I had some “swole” up eyes (In the south it is swole… not swelled) & I was exhausted.
I went to bed and pretty much slept pitifully with everything playing in my head and in my heart with a few stomach stabbings thrown in for good measure. I woke up at midnight drenched in sweat. My tummy felt better and my thick head had won out over my soft heart. I know there is no way he could have loved me and did the things he did… It doesn’t make it any easier knowing that. I’m probably still a little unwell in this department. What did make me feel better is: I was over the virus for the most part…and I did not blow chunks not one time… and the fact that I have excellent sphincter control…
1 comment:
Congrats on the sphincter control! lol
We all have those days. Some are worse than others. But, we always come through to the other side...good, bad, ugly, or beautiful. We learn form our emotions. I wish you all the best in getting over the virus and moonpie.
Life is like a bowl of cherries, and other times it's just the pits! SMILE!!!
Post a Comment