The 6th picture in 6th folder tag... or whatever I want...

This tag thingy you are supposed to go to your 6th folder and find the 6th picture and post the picture and tell about it... I tried doing that... My 6th picture in my 6th folder contained a picture of my darling oldest daughter, Lou, and well, I really don't want to post that... so I cheated... Do Not JUDGE me...


"Cheaters never win", you say??? Oh hell, look around they do everyday... Let's get real... & what am I winning anyway. I mean why the 6th folder and the 6th picture... seems a little demonic to me with all the sixes.... really I can not condone the devil activities... not today anyway...

Now that I have rationalized why I am cheating... Here is my picture I want to share...(pretend it is the 6th folder-6th picture thing, you... Satan's spawn...you)



Since I did not put the picture of Lou on here... I decided to put something that she created on here instead. She drew this picture of this little girl. The little girl's aunt had Lou draw it for her. She then went and had it framed and sent us a picture of it after it was framed... Precious, ain't it... My daughter, who is ONLY 15, is talented, ain't she... Well, of course she is... She is my daughter after all...

Now I tag anyone else who wants to do this... find the 6th folder and pick the 6th picture and tell about it... Or be a REBEL and do whatever the hell you want...

I'm with the band...

I am a week post op from the lap band surgery, and I have to say it has gone very well so far. I have been back at work since Monday. Many people who have had this surgery before me think that is amazing. Most say they have had to take off 2-3 weeks after the surgery. I only missed 4 working days. Add the 2 weekend days and in total I was off 6 days. I think I am pretty amazing, too…. I give God the credit though. He has made it so easy for me. I had no complications with the surgery and no side effects so far.

Last Tuesday, I weighed before surgery and I had lost 19 pounds so far. This was done by first a week and a half of a high protein, low carb diet and then another week of clear liquids. I’m gonna tell you, that shit was hard to do. I did cheat a little by eating some scrambled eggs during that time. I was so freakin’ hungry. The doctor insisted that it be done to lower my BMI before surgery. I’m glad I did. It has helped me prepare for new eating habits.

Anyway, the surgery went well. I had an early bout of nausea in the recovery room but I guess they gave me something for it because it was short. The pain hit me as I was waking up and first thing I said was, “I’m hurting…”! Hey, I make sure I get my pain meds. I was given a couple of IV pushes of Demerol. That is some good stuff.

When I got back to my room, my mom and aunts were waiting for me. After I got settled in there I started hurting again so they gave me a shot of Demerol then. The nurse kept coming in asking me, “Are you not asleep yet?” I kept telling her, “Nope, I’m wide awake!” I think she was shocked that with all that Demerol, I should have been knocked out. Hell, I didn’t want to miss anything… Mom & my aunts were sharing all of the local gossip that I never get to hear. I was catching up on all of the dirty laundry. And I don’t think I have ever had Demerol so I didn’t want it wasted on sleep! I wanted to enjoy that high... (man, I sound like I get high so often....pfffttt I wish...)

Several of my friends sent me flowers. Such beautiful bouquets of mixed flowers (tulips, roses, calla lilies, gerbera daisies)! A couple of my friends brought me a mum with Mardi Gras balloons in honor of Fat Tuesday. They also gave me beads, and I didn’t have to show my boobies for them, but I did hike up my gown and showed them my incisions. Heck, I showed EVERBODY my incisions… I thought a couple of people were gonna loose their lunch… and not over the incisions looking so bad, but the fact they had to look at my big white belly!

I got up and walked within an hour of being back at my room. My friends, Q and Rat, came to see me so I made them walk with me holding my hands. We looked like lesbians going for a threesome… I clung to them like they were my life boats on a sinking ship. I got a little nauseated before I completed my walk, but after I laid down in bed, it passed. I then took advantage of my weaken state and my friends’ sympathy and made Rat feed me some ice chips… And yes, I flashed them my incisions for them to gaze upon and join in my nausea. I got no beads for my effort.

Only problem I had in the hospital is that my blood pressure was low during the night I was there. This worried my mom to no end. She kept holding my hand asking me if I was okay. I kept telling her I felt fine. My mom is a nurse too, so we know that an abnormally low blood pressure after surgery can indicate problems. My blood pressure at its lowest was 88/48. All my other vital signs were fine though. No rapid pulse or increase in respirations and no other symptoms. We finally decided it had to be lower because of all the Demerol that was given to me. I was chilled!!!! I’m telling you that is some very good stuff…hee, hee..

The rest of the hospital stay was uneventful except for my freakin’ IV going off every 2 seconds because some dipshit put it in my antecubital (inner elbow). So of course every time I moved in my sleep, I kinked the line and it beeped. There is no rest in the hospital.

I went home on the 2nd day post op. My mom, bless her, got me in my house and I told her to go home and get some rest herself. I think she was worn out because she waited on me hand and foot and that blasted IV kept her awake. My cat, Cash, curled up at my feet, and he and I slept the rest of the afternoon away.

When the girls got home, I was excited to show them my incisions and of course, they were less than happy to look at them screaming, “PULL YOUR SHIRT DOWN MAMA! YOU ARE MAKING US SICK”! After hearing too many gagging sounds from them, I called them a bunch of wussies and went back to bed. I tried to get sympathy from them but it was a moot point. Mulan wondered what was for supper, and Lou, who lifted weights in basketball, couldn’t get around as good as I could because she was so sore. I ended up being Lou’s nurse and telling Mulan that all I could have was clear liquids for another week so she was on her own. Geez, didn’t I just have surgery??????

I stayed at home the rest of week, and took care of myself. Seriously though it hasn’t been so bad… thanks to liquid Loratab!!!! If I can’t have Demerol… then that will do…

I started on thicker liquids Sunday. I was supposed to wait until Tuesday but I was hungry, damn it, after 2 weeks of clear liquids and protein shakes. I never knew grits tasted so good…. Yeah, I’m from the south but I have never liked grits! But, honey, they were manna from heaven on Sunday. I don’t think a steak would have tasted better. I have tolerated thinned grits, and pureed soups and vegetables and thinned mashed potatoes really well so far. I can’t wait until next week. I get to have a soft food diet…. Yummy....

So it brings me to today…a week post op… my 3rd day back at work. I am tired today. I have made it really good so far, but today fatigue is setting in. I don’t know if it is from work being so busy or just the after affects of surgery or because I’m still eating like I’m an anorexic supermodel or a combo of all of it. Yeah, I have been hungry. The band doesn’t cure that, but when I eat something I can tell that I am getting full. That is something new for me! It used to take a whole lot of food for me to feel full. Like I used to tell everyone, "It took a whole lot of money (on food) to look this way."

People have asked me how much weight I have lost since the surgery. The answer is, "I don't know." I go back to the doctor on Monday and I'm not weighing until that time. I guess I'm a little scared. I'll just see then. I just hope I can continue to do so well... I'm taking one day at a time and trying not let old habits come back...

All I know for now is I’m beginning a new chapter in my life… I AM WITH THE BAND like the friggin’ rockstar I am!

I always wanted a pouch...

Next week will be a big week for me. I have decided to have the lap band surgery. I guess I decided way back last year really… but you know you can always back out of these things.

I have let my weight escalate to the point to where it is so out of control. I have failed at many diets. I have been depressed. My weight makes it hard for me to exercise. The joints let me know this by screaming with pain.

I actually have been thinking about gastric bypass for years. But the thing that always deterred me from it was the total rerouting of my gastrointestinal system. I just didn’t want that major of a change. It has worked great for some people, but I just couldn’t make that decision to do that. Then the alternative measure, the Lap Band, came out. I started thinking about it more, but was still indecisive about it. It was still surgery but at least it is not rerouting of the stomach, just a band around it. I thought and researched about it for another year.

Then last year something just clicked. I had to do something. I was miserable. I wanted to do things with my kids I couldn’t do. I was tired of always being the fat chick. I decided to go to a seminar that the hospital’s bariatric clinic. After hearing what they said, I was still unsure. I mean it is major money, even with my insurance paying on it. Also, just like any surgery there are risks. And like everything else weight concerning, it can be beat. Like the clinic says “It is a tool to help with weight loss.” I know it is not a cure.

I talked to my primary physician about it (who I thought would be totally against it). Surprisingly, she encouraged me to do it. She thought I could be successful with it. So I made an appointment with the Bariatric Clinic.

I had to see the doctor at the Bariatric Clinic for 6 months, so he could monitor me and I guess get justification for insurance payment. I have had sleep studies (which ended up me having to wear CPAP for sleep apnea), an upper GI, and psychiatric counseling. They totally prepare you for this. I could have had my surgery back in October, but since all that happened with Moonpie, I couldn’t afford to do it. Also, I still don’t think I was quite ready.

You see, I wanted to get my head on straight. I know that this is still going to be hard. I know I will have a new tool to help fight my weight battle, but I know I can still fail. Some people start gaining weight after having the Lap Band and even a gastric bypass. There is a guy on the Biggest Loser that had gastric bypass surgery. You can stretch your new pouch. I really, really don’t want to fail. I know I have got to make new lifestyle choices.

Anyway, at the end of January, I decided it was going to be now or never. I had done everything there was to do to prepare. So I decided to go for it. I was thinking about having the surgery March or April, but my work schedule was too busy for it. I got my co-workers involved, and we found a week in February that wasn’t so busy. My co-workers and friends said that is the week to do it. It was also the first week that was available for the Bariatric Clinic to be able to do the surgery. It all fell into place.

So these past few weeks have been a blur. I’ve been trying to get ready for the surgery. I’ve been on the high protein/low carb diet to shed a few pounds before surgery. I’ve started taking the vitamins. I’ve started walking. I am now on a liquid diet in preparation for the surgery date. Yes, I am freaking hungry as a hostage!!!!!! But I am determined.

So this is where I am as of today… I hope I can keep this blog updated with my progress (or even failure). I think it will help me to keep blogging about it.

So think of me and say a little prayer on Tuesday, February 24th. Yeah, it is Fat Tuesday… How friggin’ appropriate is that!!!!!

Look what I "C"

I’m doing the ABC game (or meme or whatever the hell you call it)… Kylie has given me “C” to list 10 things I love that begin with the letter “C”.


Christ- I love Him. Jesus is my Lord & Savior… I, on the other hand, am His problem child. It is definitely a one side relationship. He does more for me than I do for Him. It is something I’m working on, but I feel it will always be a little one sided…Don’t you think? He head thumps me frequently to get my attention… which I at times ignore and then pay the price.

Cats- Not just any cat, but MY 3 cats that I have: Cash, Cleo, & Skyler. They are by far the coolest cats anyone could have & probably 3 of the most troublesome. Cash is the oldest and grumpiest and my baby. He is definitely the leader. Cleo and Skylar are litter mates. Cleo is the lover boy and Lou’s kitty. He loves showing people love by purring and kneading on them. Skyler is the dare devil. She climbs to the highest points of the house and even though she is black and white, my daughters and I think she may just be blonde. She ain’t the brightest crayon in the box. Skyler is Mulan’s cat. That is because no other cat tolerates Mulan. Skyler does.

Cash- I love cash… on so many levels… I love Johnny Cash, my cat Cash, and most of all cash money. I love having cash in my pocket, purse, and in my hand. I’m keen for the green. I’ll even let you stick it in my undies if you will donate it to me. The stripper dance for it is optional on your part.

Chocolate- I will almost kill for chocolate… I… FREAKIN’… LOVE… CHOCOLATE… It is an obsession of mine. I’m coo coo for the cocoa.. I don’t think you can have too much in your life… Especially plain Hershey chocolate! I rather have cash any day but if you are short on funds that day and you want to get in my good graces give me chocolate. Milk chocolate… not the dark! Of course right now I’m dieting so I don’t get to enjoy any chocolate except my chocolate protein shakes. It is still chocolate, just not as good. :-p

Cherry Limeade- Since I have said good bye to my beloved diet mountain dew (& have suffered from the DT’s while getting off the liquid crack) I have found a new taste for my palette. I’ve always savored the cherry limeades from the Sonic, so when a friend mentioned that you can get the cherry limeade powder go packs (*think generic Crystal Light) I almost creamed my jeans in delight. I just buy a box of those suckers & take out several of skinny little packets and anytime I don’t want to drink bottled water (or regular non-bottled water, for that matter)…I open that pack & pour… well, dang if I don’t have me some cherry friggin’ limeade! And if I’m not careful on how I drink, it will even give me a cute little cherry limeade mustache… (sort of looks like I went all crazy with the red lipstick…* think psyche ward patient on this one)

Cell phones- How did we EVER live without them????? And with what all cell phones can do now… wow… I get to now carry my brain in my pocket. If I think I’ve lost my mind… nope, I found it… it was in my pocket or purse the whole time…

Coronas- Notice it is plural. Not singular. That is because I don’t love one… I love them in packs of six or more with lime. Remember Coronas without limes are naked beers…

Classic Rock- Use to be classic rock was from the 60’s and 70’s. Now it includes my beloved 80’s. Hip hop, rap, country, nor the polka can make my enlarged heart race or get my arthritic hips to gyrating like some screaming electric guitar on some classic rock… My cell’s ring tone is “Back in Black” by AC/DC!

Chaps- Oh, my…. Just typing the words make me blush and think naughty, naughty thoughts… I can say the word and I giggle like I made a sexual reference… Just think of what I do when I see a man in them… People think I’m having a seizure. Chaps...whether it be on a cowboy or on a biker… makes me so effin’ horny!!! Yeah, I LOVE me some chaps!

Calm- I don’t like being a drama mama or having chaos in my life. I like to be calm… which is practically non existent with the two teenaged daughters. Have you ever tried to be calm with two hormonal teenage girls??? Well, let me tell you there ain’t enough chocolate, cash, or coronas that can get you to that zen state… But hey, ho, there… I haven’t tried a man in chaps yet? Oh, yeah… oh wait oh…no that wouldn’t be calm either…definitely not calm…. But wild… oh yeah, wild… Wait what was I talking about? oh the calm… I love the calm on occasion… but not in chaps!


If you want to participate, leave a comment on this post and I will assign you a letter (make sure I have your email). You then write about 10 things you love that begin with your assigned letter and post them on your blog.

Tagging happens...

I got tagged by Kylie. So here are the answers... I think I'm supposed to tag someone else, but I don't know who to tag so please, if you read it and wanna do it... feel free.. if you don't... fine I don't really give a toad turd... lol.. well at least not today anyway...

When was the last time you splurged on a gift for yourself?
I guess it would have to be something for scrapbooking last week. It was a paper cutter. I’ve gotten into making my own cards.

Have you ever bought yourself a gift for Christmas, Valentine’s Day, a birthday or any other occasion and then wrapped it up and pretended it was from someone else? Yes, once for Christmas, because my kids wanted me to have something under the tree, and they were too little to do it… So they insisted…

Have you ever sent yourself flowers, chocolates or anything else to your place of employment so it seemed as if someone else were sending you a gift? No but my ex-husband sent me flowers once, and I ended up having to pay for them… does that count?

How often do you text message? I love to text. I am a text whore… I rather text than talk. My kids & I are so bad we will text each other from opposite ends of the house just to keep from walking…

Is there someone you’d like to fix things with? Yeah, I’d love for things to be “fixed” with my former boyfriend, Moonpie. I don’t see it happening though, you can’t fix crazy…

Are there any previous relationships you wish could have lasted longer? Yeah, Moonpie of course…

When do you blow out the candles? 8/27… hey, Kylie… our birthdays are exactly a month apart… kindred spirits…lol

Do you give out second chances too easily? Yeah, I have a forgiving spirit… It is easy for me to forgive people…

What’s the next big decision you will have to make? Whether or not I decide to get the “lap band” surgery or not… it is a toss up… but I’m leaning to doing it…

If you could cuddle with anyone right now, who would you pick, and why? If Moonpie would have been who I thought he was… it would be him… but since he is not… I guess… one of the two men I been talking (texting) to… You know if you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you are with!

Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? There is no telling… do I care… it is the least of my worries…

Who was the last person to REALLY piss you off? A co-worker… but I was an ill ass last week… so maybe it wasn’t her fault.

Would you ever want to be a supermodel? Hell yeah… I’d love to know what it felt like to be so skinny someone wants to feed you all the time… And to get to strut like they do on the runway… How cool is that? People look at me funny when I try to do it here in the country…

Do you know what you will wear tomorrow? Typical workday garb… nothing special… I need a new wardrobe…

Your motivation for tomorrow? To feed my kids… & let’s not forget about myself…

What is the last thing you put your lips against? Sierra Mist free… but I would absolutely kill for a diet dew… but I will refrain… I’m trying out this new thing called “willpower”…

Have you ever gone two or more days without changing your underwear? Yes… one time when I was in a depressed mood & didn’t care if my undies were funky… yes, it’s gross… I see that now… then though it didn’t matter…

Have you ever accidentally eaten an insect? Yes, and purposely ate one in a lollipop…there is nothing like a sugary sweet insect… ewww..

What serial killer do you find most disturbing? Ahhh… I’m gonna say all of them… serial killers are disturbed people…

Are you ever purposely irritating? To my daughters… it is my entertainment!

What was the last thing you used you debit card for? I think for a soda & a biscuit…

Are you cheating on your significant other right now? I’m free to cheat… so I guess that is not really cheating, huh?

Are you contemplating cheating on your significant other right now? If I had an significant other… who knows…

When was the last time you sat down and watched kiddie cartoons? Saturday

Do you sleep with one leg out from under the covers? Occasionally I’ll let one (leg I mean) loose…

Do you have any text messages that you would be embarrassed to let your mom read? Not at the moment… but I have in the past…there are just some things I don’t show my mom… Of course they were probably forwards from my dad... he has a wicked sense of humor..

How old would you be when you finally have kids/ or next kids? I’m DONE!!!

Have you ever thought about converting to a new religion? Nope… can’t think of one. Would love to learn how to perform a Tibetan chant though…

Do you know anyone with the same first name as you? Yeah, several people… & we are all hot…

When was the last time you went to church? Too long ago…

What song plays on your Myspace profile page? The first on the playlist is “Come Out & Play” by the Offspring.

What were you doing the last time you were in the bathroom? Pissing…

Have you ever had a Razr as a phone? Had its relative the SLVR once.

Which energy drink is better; Amp or Rockstar? Red Bull with Vodka…

Would you rather eat a Milky Way or eat a Twix? If it is chocolate I’ll eat it… even a bug… Fry it and drizzle chocolate on that cricket, man…

Do you like that new shoe smell? Leather shoes sure.

Do you like the taste of licorice? I’d rather drink Jagermeister. Same taste better buzz.

Would you ever walk around with a free hugs sign like the dude on YouTube? Nah, I don’t want that many people touching me… But I might walk around with one that said free ass grabs… but not people grabbing mine… I get to give them one… so much better don’t you think?

Did you ever flip out on a teacher and walk out of a class? Nah… they whoop your ass here in the south.

Do you/did you ever have dreams of being a rock star? I can’t believe you asked that… I am a rock star… Dammit…

If vegetarians think it’s wrong to eat living things, why do they eat plants? I got another question… do vegetarians have oral sex???? We are talking about eating…& humans are not plants... I’m just sayin’

If you were to compare your real family to a TV family, which one would they closely resemble? The Simpsons…

What advice would you give to a new blogger? Just write…

What imaginary pet would you love to own? A unicorn… or a winged horse…

What was your favorite book as a child? Nancy Drew…. (see Kylie… Kindred Spirits again)

Out of all the cars you owned which one was your favorite? My malachite green Beretta

What is the coldest place/state that you ever visited? Wisconsin

As a child did you ever walk to school or carry your lunch? Nope… rode a bus (not a short one) & ate at the “crap”teria…

Did you ever have such a busy day that you didn’t know whether to scratch your watch or wind your behind? Most days…& this is a long ass survey….thingy

Ever rode in a hot air balloon? No…but I will given the opportunity.

Have you ever fainted? Nope, never…

What is your favorite quote? “Well behaved women rarely make history” ‘nuff said…

Sweet War

Today the countries of Lou and Mulan were embroiled in a catastrophic battle over an alleged theft of sweet confections. The government of Mulan accuses the population of Lou of the taking of her delectable candy.

The Mulan Federation suggested that the Nation of Lou invaded her territory in what appears to be an attempt of terrorism. Lou covertly ousted the confections of mass ingestion from Mulan, which incited a war between the two countries. There were tensions between the two from a previous riotous encounter involving a territorial claim of a pair of jeans last week. This has lead to an on-going crisis between the two.

An eyewitness recounts the dispute.

Kingdom of Mulan: Who took my candy?

Lou Commonwealth: It is my candy too.

Union of Mulan: You already ate your part. Give it back!

Principality of Lou: (ingesting another piece of candy) Nope...

Independent State of Mulan: I’m getting my candy… (Grabs at candy)

The screeching hostile territories of Mulan & Lou: MMMAAAMMMAAA!!!!

Enters the nation of Switzermama.

The neutral nation of Switzermama: (exasperated) Y’all share the candy…

Mulan Republic: THAT is MY candy!!!!

Mulan proceeds to push Lou...

The Grand Duchy of Lou: I’m ABOUT to punch YOU in the FACE!!!!

The Sultanate of Mulan: BRING….. IT….. ON!!!!!

Switzermama rolls her eyes, shrugs & walks off… (But not after she slyly embezzles her own piece of candy.)

Mulan and Lou mount offensive and defensive operative measures simultaneously

After many strategic tactical measures, Mulan mounts a strike & removes the candy from Lou’s possession. Mulan then hastily retreats.

Lou launches pillow missiles strikes. Mulan trips over the small peaceful nation of Cleo leaving minor damage.
Lou launches a second pillow missile strike hitting the densely populated region of Mulan, called “The Buttocks.” No casualties were reported.

Mulan escapes to safety & shoves the coveted candy in her mouth while singing a victory song. Lou promises retaliation in the future.

Neither nation could be reached for comment and refused all attempts for interviews. The nation of Switzermama had this comment.

“Sometimes there is no peaceful solution when two hormonal nations are in a bitter (yet sweet) war over the priceless commodity of chocolate.”

Unwell...

Just how unwell can you get?

Stomach virus… need I say more… I had it yesterday. It has gone through my office infecting every coworker at varying degrees. I have to say I had it to the less degree than most of my coworkers. I was lucky… but still it wears you down… makes my defenses weak. Not just physically but emotionally.

I have been feeling the emotional weakness begin to creep in this week. I’ve been blue. Depressed… just crummy feeling. I have begun to miss Moonpie. This was not good… not good at all.

I’m not sure what triggered it. It could have been Louise & Lightning Bug’s marriage. They were friends of ours. Now since Moonpie left they are only my friends. Hey, that is what happens when you abandon people… even friends.

Anyway, Louise & LB have had their ups & downs. LB stepped up his game though and proved how much he loved Louise. I am very happy that they are married. I want both of them to be so happy. But… it made me wish Moonpie could have done that for me…not necessarily the marriage thing… just proving how much he loved me…

I haven’t heard from Moonpie since his last short email about a month or so ago. I have sent him some forward emails and even the “I hate you” email with no response. So why did I have to send him an email about Louise & LB’s marriage? I guess I wanted him to see there are happy endings in life even if they are not mine. Moonpie responded. He said lots of things that are a stark contrast of his actions. He loves me still (yet he left me)… that kind of thing.

Since reading his email, the emotions have been whirling around in this thick head and soft heart of mine. The heart has been singing… “He loves me, he loves me…” My head has been screaming… “Get real idiot… look what he did to you!” Then throw in my stomach turmoil with it own mantra…”I’m gonna vomit…” You see what I mean by unwell… I am so very unwell… not ill… (okay, maybe a little with the stomach)… but unwell… unhealthy… maybe a little mad (in the mental reference)

On the way home yesterday, while trying not to spew… and keeping the sphincter clinched… I lost the emotions… You know there is only so much you can hold in. I was tired and felt bad… something had to give… (Thank God, it wasn’t the sphincter control)… On the radio, that new song by Lesley Roy came on… it is called “Unbeautiful”… I lost the control of my emotions. I sobbed & screamed & cursed & prayed… I ran the gambit of every emotion I had in me… It was a 45 minute drive home so I had plenty of time to expend it all. By the time I got home I had some “swole” up eyes (In the south it is swole… not swelled) & I was exhausted.

I went to bed and pretty much slept pitifully with everything playing in my head and in my heart with a few stomach stabbings thrown in for good measure. I woke up at midnight drenched in sweat. My tummy felt better and my thick head had won out over my soft heart. I know there is no way he could have loved me and did the things he did… It doesn’t make it any easier knowing that. I’m probably still a little unwell in this department. What did make me feel better is: I was over the virus for the most part…and I did not blow chunks not one time… and the fact that I have excellent sphincter control…