Sweet War

Today the countries of Lou and Mulan were embroiled in a catastrophic battle over an alleged theft of sweet confections. The government of Mulan accuses the population of Lou of the taking of her delectable candy.

The Mulan Federation suggested that the Nation of Lou invaded her territory in what appears to be an attempt of terrorism. Lou covertly ousted the confections of mass ingestion from Mulan, which incited a war between the two countries. There were tensions between the two from a previous riotous encounter involving a territorial claim of a pair of jeans last week. This has lead to an on-going crisis between the two.

An eyewitness recounts the dispute.

Kingdom of Mulan: Who took my candy?

Lou Commonwealth: It is my candy too.

Union of Mulan: You already ate your part. Give it back!

Principality of Lou: (ingesting another piece of candy) Nope...

Independent State of Mulan: I’m getting my candy… (Grabs at candy)

The screeching hostile territories of Mulan & Lou: MMMAAAMMMAAA!!!!

Enters the nation of Switzermama.

The neutral nation of Switzermama: (exasperated) Y’all share the candy…

Mulan Republic: THAT is MY candy!!!!

Mulan proceeds to push Lou...

The Grand Duchy of Lou: I’m ABOUT to punch YOU in the FACE!!!!

The Sultanate of Mulan: BRING….. IT….. ON!!!!!

Switzermama rolls her eyes, shrugs & walks off… (But not after she slyly embezzles her own piece of candy.)

Mulan and Lou mount offensive and defensive operative measures simultaneously

After many strategic tactical measures, Mulan mounts a strike & removes the candy from Lou’s possession. Mulan then hastily retreats.

Lou launches pillow missiles strikes. Mulan trips over the small peaceful nation of Cleo leaving minor damage.
Lou launches a second pillow missile strike hitting the densely populated region of Mulan, called “The Buttocks.” No casualties were reported.

Mulan escapes to safety & shoves the coveted candy in her mouth while singing a victory song. Lou promises retaliation in the future.

Neither nation could be reached for comment and refused all attempts for interviews. The nation of Switzermama had this comment.

“Sometimes there is no peaceful solution when two hormonal nations are in a bitter (yet sweet) war over the priceless commodity of chocolate.”

Unwell...

Just how unwell can you get?

Stomach virus… need I say more… I had it yesterday. It has gone through my office infecting every coworker at varying degrees. I have to say I had it to the less degree than most of my coworkers. I was lucky… but still it wears you down… makes my defenses weak. Not just physically but emotionally.

I have been feeling the emotional weakness begin to creep in this week. I’ve been blue. Depressed… just crummy feeling. I have begun to miss Moonpie. This was not good… not good at all.

I’m not sure what triggered it. It could have been Louise & Lightning Bug’s marriage. They were friends of ours. Now since Moonpie left they are only my friends. Hey, that is what happens when you abandon people… even friends.

Anyway, Louise & LB have had their ups & downs. LB stepped up his game though and proved how much he loved Louise. I am very happy that they are married. I want both of them to be so happy. But… it made me wish Moonpie could have done that for me…not necessarily the marriage thing… just proving how much he loved me…

I haven’t heard from Moonpie since his last short email about a month or so ago. I have sent him some forward emails and even the “I hate you” email with no response. So why did I have to send him an email about Louise & LB’s marriage? I guess I wanted him to see there are happy endings in life even if they are not mine. Moonpie responded. He said lots of things that are a stark contrast of his actions. He loves me still (yet he left me)… that kind of thing.

Since reading his email, the emotions have been whirling around in this thick head and soft heart of mine. The heart has been singing… “He loves me, he loves me…” My head has been screaming… “Get real idiot… look what he did to you!” Then throw in my stomach turmoil with it own mantra…”I’m gonna vomit…” You see what I mean by unwell… I am so very unwell… not ill… (okay, maybe a little with the stomach)… but unwell… unhealthy… maybe a little mad (in the mental reference)

On the way home yesterday, while trying not to spew… and keeping the sphincter clinched… I lost the emotions… You know there is only so much you can hold in. I was tired and felt bad… something had to give… (Thank God, it wasn’t the sphincter control)… On the radio, that new song by Lesley Roy came on… it is called “Unbeautiful”… I lost the control of my emotions. I sobbed & screamed & cursed & prayed… I ran the gambit of every emotion I had in me… It was a 45 minute drive home so I had plenty of time to expend it all. By the time I got home I had some “swole” up eyes (In the south it is swole… not swelled) & I was exhausted.

I went to bed and pretty much slept pitifully with everything playing in my head and in my heart with a few stomach stabbings thrown in for good measure. I woke up at midnight drenched in sweat. My tummy felt better and my thick head had won out over my soft heart. I know there is no way he could have loved me and did the things he did… It doesn’t make it any easier knowing that. I’m probably still a little unwell in this department. What did make me feel better is: I was over the virus for the most part…and I did not blow chunks not one time… and the fact that I have excellent sphincter control…

All about me... there will be a test...

Liz is part of my name & not the name I go by in public.

I am 40… fat, fair, & fertile (at least before tubal this year)… that means I am more likely to get gallstones than other age demographics.

I am a registered nurse (that’s why I know about gallstones), but I no longer do the usual nurse like duties… I work with nursing and computers in the information technology department.

I have two daughters that are teenagers. Their nicknames are Lou and Mulan. They are the source of my joy and my insanity.

I have 3 cats, Cash, Skyler, and Cleo. I also have 5 dogs, Toby, Sparky, Anna, Layla, and Coco. Anna is a 3 legged hunting dog we adopted.

I live in a rural part of Mississippi. (okay, that was stupid… Mississippi is about all rural…)

I live across from my mom and dad… my heroes along with being my nosey neighbors.

I live near my only sister. I am the oldest. She is the prettiest. I am the friendliest. She is the funniest. We look nothing alike.

My blood type is B positive just like my personality. My sister’s is B negative just like her personality…hee, hee…

My best friend, Q (not really her name), is a fellow nurse and co-worker. We met in nursing school and have been friends for approximately 16 years.

I am divorced from Lou and Mulan’s father after 13 years of marriage. I have been divorced for 3 or 4 years… I’ve lost count.

People probably think Q and I are lesbians because we are so close, but we are not. Q is married. People probably think it is a cover…

I was bit on the face by a German Shepherd in the 4th grade. I have only two little scars from it. I peed in my pants when it happened…

Jesus is my Savior and I am his problem child. I am a registered Baptist, but I am more spiritual than religious.

Since I told you that I might as well confess a sin as well… I cuss way too much with the “F” word being one of my favorite words. I am still a sinner even though I am spiritual. I am not perfect… nor do I pretend to be.

I try not to say the “F” word in the presence of my kids. I figure they will be saying it soon enough without me influencing them.

I am addicted to Diet Mountain Dews. I piss straight Diet Dew some days… Is that TMI?

I love to read. My favorite author is Dean Koontz.

Some of my favorite songs are “She talks to angels” by The Black Crowes, “Me and Bobby McGee” by Janis Joplin, “When a man loves a woman” by Percy Sledge, “18th floor Balcony” by Blue October and “Superfreak” by Rick James.

I love rock music! AC/DC, Aerosmith, The Black Crowes, Blue October, Janis Joplin and others…

My favorite comedian is Jeff Dunham with his puppets.

I have too many favorite movies to name, but I’m very partial to any 80’s movies… Maximum Overdrive, Night of the Comet, Breakfast Club, etc.

I love to visit cemeteries when no one is there. Not at night… during the day, during sunshine… it is quiet and you can think and put all your problems in perspective… cause in the end… is it really gonna matter?

Anything else you wanna know?

Brrrrr.... winter ramblings..

Brrrrrr….
It has been cold here this week.
I live in the north part of my state.
Last time I checked Mississippi is still in the south.
Why does it have to be so cold then?
I know it is winter.
I hate winter.
I hate being cold.
It makes me hurt.
It makes me grumpy.
My hands & feet are the coldest.
I swear I must have Raynaud’s.
I bet I do.
I always think I have something though.
Can you say hypochondria?
I complain constantly of my hands being cold at work.
A co-worker bought me fingerless gloves to shut me up.
They allow me to type accurately.
But now my fingers are freezing.
I may have to do a little inaccurate typing.
You think it would be warm inside.
But I think it snows in our office.
I begged God to give me a house on the beach.
I told him I’d learn to like sand.
Sand bugs me.
But I’d learn to love it for the sun and warmth.
I’m still waiting on that blessing to arrive.
So I sit here with fingerless gloves & a quilt…
Inside…
Shivering…





Post Scriptum

I have 2 followers...yay me! Or better yet... Yay them! They are my beloved "Andy" from Wild ARS Chase and "Kylie" from RandomThoughts by Kylie. I am so excited... even in the cold.



Hey, Kylie, I've tried to post comments on your blogs, but couldn't... Either your comments are messed up or I'm remedial....



Thank you guys for reading! It is much appreciated... Maybe it will get better with time. lol

Life requires a big box of crayons.

While relatively new to blogging on this site, I decide after reading Wild ARS Chase‘s blog to take his challenge. I have to admit I’ve read what some of the other bloggers have written, and I am more than a little bit intimidated. There are some awesome blogs out there. And I also have to admit I want to impress Andy... I think I have crush on him... Let’s face it, we don’t have many metrosexuals where I live in the South so he totally fascinates me... Of course, Capricorn has nothing to worry about because I am a Virgo... & you know what they say about Virgos... yeah... um, what do they say about Virgos? Because I really have no idea, but I hope it is fanciful and exciting... Oh, yeah, and then there is the whole age thing... Andy is even too young for this cougar... (rawr...yawn..) I know it hurts me too, Andy...

Okay, now that I have confessed my unwavering devotion to Andy and then gently let him down from the hope of a future with me, let me get back to the challenge...

Andy requested his readers to write a post about:
A) Something nobody knows about you, or
B) One of your favorite stories from your childhood, or
C) Your 10 Top Favorite (Fill in the Blank)

Oh, what to do... what TO do...

Heck let’s go with option B

I always liked fitting in with the other kids at school. I remember it started with the first grade. If one girl had a certain hair bow, then by all means I wanted one too. I remember that one little girl had the largest box of crayons that I had ever seen. It even had a crayon sharpener in the back of the box. Oh, how I envied that little girl... It made my box of 8 crayons look like a matchbox in a crate store. My mom heard for days about how I just had to have the box of 64 crayons. I was sure my social, along with intellectual, status at table number one depended on it. I never got that big gigantic box of crayons.... What was my fate to be in this world of crayon elitists? Would I ever be accepted by the others of table number one?

Weeks later, our teacher wanted to test our knowledge of math. We had been learning to add together single digit numbers. Now the teacher wanted to see how we did at subtraction of single digit numbers. We had never seen anything that was like on this sheet she handed us. Where was our beloved plus sign???? The teacher told us to try to figure out how to work it on our own. What??? She said, "If you need to, guess at the answer. I just want to see what you know. We will go over the answers later." Guess??? Is that allowed??? I looked around the table at the other kids... They looked back at me with confusion in their eyes.. Except for one girl... Samantha...

Samantha said, "Hey, I know how to do this. I’ll help you out. I have done this before." Then she proceed to help us out..... by telling us what to put down on our papers. I was so glad I was back in the fold since that disastrous crayon debacle. I was accepted... I was one of the masters of subtraction.... thanks to Samantha having done this before. Ahhh.... this almost made up for the on the wrong side of the crayon colored tracks.

The next day our teacher handed us back our papers. All of ours at table number one had a big "U" on them. Though I didn’t know what it meant at the time, I knew that couldn’t be a good thing. The teacher called all of our table to her desk at the front of the room. She said, " I gave you all an "U" for unsatisfactory on your papers. I told you to try to do the subtraction sheet. I did not tell you to copy off each others papers and cheat." What cheat???? What is that??? She continued saying, " You each will be getting a paddling for cheating. You should never use someone else’s answers.!" A paddling???? As like a whipping on my ever so tender bottom with that large piece of wood? Oh, I could fill the water works beginning... But I’m a good girl, I thought. Did this mean I was destined to wear the Scarlet "C" for cheater on my chest. My inner voice screamed, "But I don’t have the color scarlet in my crayon box! I only have red... No fancy color of scarlet!!! I can not do scarlet!!"

After the teacher gave me my paddling, I tearfully looked at her and whined, "but Samantha said she could help us with this. She said she knew how to do it because she done it before..."
The teacher looked at me with a sympathetic smile, " Well, Liz, Samantha has done it before. This is her second time in the first grade. She failed last year. I hope you learned your lesson."
As I did my walk of shame back to that blasted table number one, watching Samantha giggle about getting into trouble, I made a solemn vow to myself...I would never, ever name any my pets or beloved stuffed animals Samantha... and if I ever have a daughter, not only will her name not be Samantha, but I will always keep her supplied with a box of 64 crayons. Because at that moment in my heart... I knew this subtraction tragedy wouldn’t have happened if only I had a big box of crayons!!!!

Well, there you have it. The workings of my 6 year old brain. I must say my brain still rationalizes things like that...