SOUTHERN FRYEd

The 6th picture in 6th folder tag... or whatever I want...

2009-03-11T09:47:00.007-05:00

This tag thingy you are supposed to go to your 6th folder and find the 6th picture and post the picture and tell about it... I tried doing that... My 6th picture in my 6th folder contained a picture of my darling oldest daughter, Lou, and well, I really don't want to post that... so I cheated... Do Not JUDGE me...

"Cheaters never win", you say??? Oh hell, look around they do everyday... Let's get real... & what am I winning anyway. I mean why the 6th folder and the 6th picture... seems a little demonic to me with all the sixes.... really I can not condone the devil activities... not today anyway...

Now that I have rationalized why I am cheating... Here is my picture I want to share...(pretend it is the 6th folder-6th picture thing, you... Satan's spawn...you)

Since I did not put the picture of Lou on here... I decided to put something that she created on here instead. She drew this picture of this little girl. The little girl's aunt had Lou draw it for her. She then went and had it framed and sent us a picture of it after it was framed... Precious, ain't it... My daughter, who is ONLY 15, is talented, ain't she... Well, of course she is... She is my daughter after all...

Now I tag anyone else who wants to do this... find the 6th folder and pick the 6th picture and tell about it... Or be a REBEL and do whatever the hell you want...

I'm with the band...

2009-03-04T15:02:00.005-06:00

I am a week post op from the lap band surgery, and I have to say it has gone very well so far. I have been back at work since Monday. Many people who have had this surgery before me think that is amazing. Most say they have had to take off 2-3 weeks after the surgery. I only missed 4 working days. Add the 2 weekend days and in total I was off 6 days. I think I am pretty amazing, too…. I give God the credit though. He has made it so easy for me. I had no complications with the surgery and no side effects so far.

Last Tuesday, I weighed before surgery and I had lost 19 pounds so far. This was done by first a week and a half of a high protein, low carb diet and then another week of clear liquids. I’m gonna tell you, that shit was hard to do. I did cheat a little by eating some scrambled eggs during that time. I was so freakin’ hungry. The doctor insisted that it be done to lower my BMI before surgery. I’m glad I did. It has helped me prepare for new eating habits.

Anyway, the surgery went well. I had an early bout of nausea in the recovery room but I guess they gave me something for it because it was short. The pain hit me as I was waking up and first thing I said was, “I’m hurting…”! Hey, I make sure I get my pain meds. I was given a couple of IV pushes of Demerol. That is some good stuff.

When I got back to my room, my mom and aunts were waiting for me. After I got settled in there I started hurting again so they gave me a shot of Demerol then. The nurse kept coming in asking me, “Are you not asleep yet?” I kept telling her, “Nope, I’m wide awake!” I think she was shocked that with all that Demerol, I should have been knocked out. Hell, I didn’t want to miss anything… Mom & my aunts were sharing all of the local gossip that I never get to hear. I was catching up on all of the dirty laundry. And I don’t think I have ever had Demerol so I didn’t want it wasted on sleep! I wanted to enjoy that high... (man, I sound like I get high so often....pfffttt I wish...)

Several of my friends sent me flowers. Such beautiful bouquets of mixed flowers (tulips, roses, calla lilies, gerbera daisies)! A couple of my friends brought me a mum with Mardi Gras balloons in honor of Fat Tuesday. They also gave me beads, and I didn’t have to show my boobies for them, but I did hike up my gown and showed them my incisions. Heck, I showed EVERBODY my incisions… I thought a couple of people were gonna loose their lunch… and not over the incisions looking so bad, but the fact they had to look at my big white belly!

I got up and walked within an hour of being back at my room. My friends, Q and Rat, came to see me so I made them walk with me holding my hands. We looked like lesbians going for a threesome… I clung to them like they were my life boats on a sinking ship. I got a little nauseated before I completed my walk, but after I laid down in bed, it passed. I then took advantage of my weaken state and my friends’ sympathy and made Rat feed me some ice chips… And yes, I flashed them my incisions for them to gaze upon and join in my nausea. I got no beads for my effort.

Only problem I had in the hospital is that my blood pressure was low during the night I was there. This worried my mom to no end. She kept holding my hand asking me if I was okay. I kept telling her I felt fine. My mom is a nurse too, so we know that an abnormally low blood pressure after surgery can indicate problems. My blood pressure at its lowest was 88/48. All my other vital signs were fine though. No rapid pulse or increase in respirations and no other symptoms. We finally decided it had to be lower because of all the Demerol that was given to me. I was chilled!!!! I’m telling you that is some very good stuff…hee, hee..

The rest of the hospital stay was uneventful except for my freakin’ IV going off every 2 seconds because some dipshit put it in my antecubital (inner elbow). So of course every time I moved in my sleep, I kinked the line and it beeped. There is no rest in the hospital.

I went home on the 2nd day post op. My mom, bless her, got me in my house and I told her to go home and get some rest herself. I think she was worn out because she waited on me hand and foot and that blasted IV kept her awake. My cat, Cash, curled up at my feet, and he and I slept the rest of the afternoon away.

When the girls got home, I was excited to show them my incisions and of course, they were less than happy to look at them screaming, “PULL YOUR SHIRT DOWN MAMA! YOU ARE MAKING US SICK”! After hearing too many gagging sounds from them, I called them a bunch of wussies and went back to bed. I tried to get sympathy from them but it was a moot point. Mulan wondered what was for supper, and Lou, who lifted weights in basketball, couldn’t get around as good as I could because she was so sore. I ended up being Lou’s nurse and telling Mulan that all I could have was clear liquids for another week so she was on her own. Geez, didn’t I just have surgery??????

I stayed at home the rest of week, and took care of myself. Seriously though it hasn’t been so bad… thanks to liquid Loratab!!!! If I can’t have Demerol… then that will do…

I started on thicker liquids Sunday. I was supposed to wait until Tuesday but I was hungry, damn it, after 2 weeks of clear liquids and protein shakes. I never knew grits tasted so good…. Yeah, I’m from the south but I have never liked grits! But, honey, they were manna from heaven on Sunday. I don’t think a steak would have tasted better. I have tolerated thinned grits, and pureed soups and vegetables and thinned mashed potatoes really well so far. I can’t wait until next week. I get to have a soft food diet…. Yummy....

So it brings me to today…a week post op… my 3rd day back at work. I am tired today. I have made it really good so far, but today fatigue is setting in. I don’t know if it is from work being so busy or just the after affects of surgery or because I’m still eating like I’m an anorexic supermodel or a combo of all of it. Yeah, I have been hungry. The band doesn’t cure that, but when I eat something I can tell that I am getting full. That is something new for me! It used to take a whole lot of food for me to feel full. Like I used to tell everyone, "It took a whole lot of money (on food) to look this way."

People have asked me how much weight I have lost since the surgery. The answer is, "I don't know." I go back to the doctor on Monday and I'm not weighing until that time. I guess I'm a little scared. I'll just see then. I just hope I can continue to do so well... I'm taking one day at a time and trying not let old habits come back...

All I know for now is I’m beginning a new chapter in my life… I AM WITH THE BAND like the friggin’ rockstar I am!

I always wanted a pouch...

2009-02-18T10:40:00.008-06:00

Next week will be a big week for me. I have decided to have the lap band surgery. I guess I decided way back last year really… but you know you can always back out of these things.

I have let my weight escalate to the point to where it is so out of control. I have failed at many diets. I have been depressed. My weight makes it hard for me to exercise. The joints let me know this by screaming with pain.

I actually have been thinking about gastric bypass for years. But the thing that always deterred me from it was the total rerouting of my gastrointestinal system. I just didn’t want that major of a change. It has worked great for some people, but I just couldn’t make that decision to do that. Then the alternative measure, the Lap Band, came out. I started thinking about it more, but was still indecisive about it. It was still surgery but at least it is not rerouting of the stomach, just a band around it. I thought and researched about it for another year.

Then last year something just clicked. I had to do something. I was miserable. I wanted to do things with my kids I couldn’t do. I was tired of always being the fat chick. I decided to go to a seminar that the hospital’s bariatric clinic. After hearing what they said, I was still unsure. I mean it is major money, even with my insurance paying on it. Also, just like any surgery there are risks. And like everything else weight concerning, it can be beat. Like the clinic says “It is a tool to help with weight loss.” I know it is not a cure.

I talked to my primary physician about it (who I thought would be totally against it). Surprisingly, she encouraged me to do it. She thought I could be successful with it. So I made an appointment with the Bariatric Clinic.

I had to see the doctor at the Bariatric Clinic for 6 months, so he could monitor me and I guess get justification for insurance payment. I have had sleep studies (which ended up me having to wear CPAP for sleep apnea), an upper GI, and psychiatric counseling. They totally prepare you for this. I could have had my surgery back in October, but since all that happened with Moonpie, I couldn’t afford to do it. Also, I still don’t think I was quite ready.

You see, I wanted to get my head on straight. I know that this is still going to be hard. I know I will have a new tool to help fight my weight battle, but I know I can still fail. Some people start gaining weight after having the Lap Band and even a gastric bypass. There is a guy on the Biggest Loser that had gastric bypass surgery. You can stretch your new pouch. I really, really don’t want to fail. I know I have got to make new lifestyle choices.

Anyway, at the end of January, I decided it was going to be now or never. I had done everything there was to do to prepare. So I decided to go for it. I was thinking about having the surgery March or April, but my work schedule was too busy for it. I got my co-workers involved, and we found a week in February that wasn’t so busy. My co-workers and friends said that is the week to do it. It was also the first week that was available for the Bariatric Clinic to be able to do the surgery. It all fell into place.

So these past few weeks have been a blur. I’ve been trying to get ready for the surgery. I’ve been on the high protein/low carb diet to shed a few pounds before surgery. I’ve started taking the vitamins. I’ve started walking. I am now on a liquid diet in preparation for the surgery date. Yes, I am freaking hungry as a hostage!!!!!! But I am determined.

So this is where I am as of today… I hope I can keep this blog updated with my progress (or even failure). I think it will help me to keep blogging about it.

So think of me and say a little prayer on Tuesday, February 24th. Yeah, it is Fat Tuesday… How friggin’ appropriate is that!!!!!

Look what I "C"

2009-02-16T15:36:00.010-06:00

I’m doing the ABC game (or meme or whatever the hell you call it)… Kylie has given me “C” to list 10 things I love that begin with the letter “C”.

Christ- I love Him. Jesus is my Lord & Savior… I, on the other hand, am His problem child. It is definitely a one side relationship. He does more for me than I do for Him. It is something I’m working on, but I feel it will always be a little one sided…Don’t you think? He head thumps me frequently to get my attention… which I at times ignore and then pay the price.

Cats- Not just any cat, but MY 3 cats that I have: Cash, Cleo, & Skyler. They are by far the coolest cats anyone could have & probably 3 of the most troublesome. Cash is the oldest and grumpiest and my baby. He is definitely the leader. Cleo and Skylar are litter mates. Cleo is the lover boy and Lou’s kitty. He loves showing people love by purring and kneading on them. Skyler is the dare devil. She climbs to the highest points of the house and even though she is black and white, my daughters and I think she may just be blonde. She ain’t the brightest crayon in the box. Skyler is Mulan’s cat. That is because no other cat tolerates Mulan. Skyler does.

Cash- I love cash… on so many levels… I love Johnny Cash, my cat Cash, and most of all cash money. I love having cash in my pocket, purse, and in my hand. I’m keen for the green. I’ll even let you stick it in my undies if you will donate it to me. The stripper dance for it is optional on your part.

Chocolate- I will almost kill for chocolate… I… FREAKIN’… LOVE… CHOCOLATE… It is an obsession of mine. I’m coo coo for the cocoa.. I don’t think you can have too much in your life… Especially plain Hershey chocolate! I rather have cash any day but if you are short on funds that day and you want to get in my good graces give me chocolate. Milk chocolate… not the dark! Of course right now I’m dieting so I don’t get to enjoy any chocolate except my chocolate protein shakes. It is still chocolate, just not as good. :-p

Cherry Limeade- Since I have said good bye to my beloved diet mountain dew (& have suffered from the DT’s while getting off the liquid crack) I have found a new taste for my palette. I’ve always savored the cherry limeades from the Sonic, so when a friend mentioned that you can get the cherry limeade powder go packs (*think generic Crystal Light) I almost creamed my jeans in delight. I just buy a box of those suckers & take out several of skinny little packets and anytime I don’t want to drink bottled water (or regular non-bottled water, for that matter)…I open that pack & pour… well, dang if I don’t have me some cherry friggin’ limeade! And if I’m not careful on how I drink, it will even give me a cute little cherry limeade mustache… (sort of looks like I went all crazy with the red lipstick…* think psyche ward patient on this one)

Cell phones- How did we EVER live without them????? And with what all cell phones can do now… wow… I get to now carry my brain in my pocket. If I think I’ve lost my mind… nope, I found it… it was in my pocket or purse the whole time…

Coronas- Notice it is plural. Not singular. That is because I don’t love one… I love them in packs of six or more with lime. Remember Coronas without limes are naked beers…

Classic Rock- Use to be classic rock was from the 60’s and 70’s. Now it includes my beloved 80’s. Hip hop, rap, country, nor the polka can make my enlarged heart race or get my arthritic hips to gyrating like some screaming electric guitar on some classic rock… My cell’s ring tone is “Back in Black” by AC/DC!

Chaps- Oh, my…. Just typing the words make me blush and think naughty, naughty thoughts… I can say the word and I giggle like I made a sexual reference… Just think of what I do when I see a man in them… People think I’m having a seizure. Chaps...whether it be on a cowboy or on a biker… makes me so effin’ horny!!! Yeah, I LOVE me some chaps!

Calm- I don’t like being a drama mama or having chaos in my life. I like to be calm… which is practically non existent with the two teenaged daughters. Have you ever tried to be calm with two hormonal teenage girls??? Well, let me tell you there ain’t enough chocolate, cash, or coronas that can get you to that zen state… But hey, ho, there… I haven’t tried a man in chaps yet? Oh, yeah… oh wait oh…no that wouldn’t be calm either…definitely not calm…. But wild… oh yeah, wild… Wait what was I talking about? oh the calm… I love the calm on occasion… but not in chaps!

If you want to participate, leave a comment on this post and I will assign you a letter (make sure I have your email). You then write about 10 things you love that begin with your assigned letter and post them on your blog.

Tagging happens...

2009-01-19T12:18:00.005-06:00

I got tagged by Kylie. So here are the answers... I think I'm supposed to tag someone else, but I don't know who to tag so please, if you read it and wanna do it... feel free.. if you don't... fine I don't really give a toad turd... lol.. well at least not today anyway...

When was the last time you splurged on a gift for yourself?
I guess it would have to be something for scrapbooking last week. It was a paper cutter. I’ve gotten into making my own cards.

Have you ever bought yourself a gift for Christmas, Valentine’s Day, a birthday or any other occasion and then wrapped it up and pretended it was from someone else? Yes, once for Christmas, because my kids wanted me to have something under the tree, and they were too little to do it… So they insisted…

Have you ever sent yourself flowers, chocolates or anything else to your place of employment so it seemed as if someone else were sending you a gift? No but my ex-husband sent me flowers once, and I ended up having to pay for them… does that count?

How often do you text message? I love to text. I am a text whore… I rather text than talk. My kids & I are so bad we will text each other from opposite ends of the house just to keep from walking…

Is there someone you’d like to fix things with? Yeah, I’d love for things to be “fixed” with my former boyfriend, Moonpie. I don’t see it happening though, you can’t fix crazy…

Are there any previous relationships you wish could have lasted longer? Yeah, Moonpie of course…

When do you blow out the candles? 8/27… hey, Kylie… our birthdays are exactly a month apart… kindred spirits…lol

Do you give out second chances too easily? Yeah, I have a forgiving spirit… It is easy for me to forgive people…

What’s the next big decision you will have to make? Whether or not I decide to get the “lap band” surgery or not… it is a toss up… but I’m leaning to doing it…

If you could cuddle with anyone right now, who would you pick, and why? If Moonpie would have been who I thought he was… it would be him… but since he is not… I guess… one of the two men I been talking (texting) to… You know if you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you are with!

Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? There is no telling… do I care… it is the least of my worries…

Who was the last person to REALLY piss you off? A co-worker… but I was an ill ass last week… so maybe it wasn’t her fault.

Would you ever want to be a supermodel? Hell yeah… I’d love to know what it felt like to be so skinny someone wants to feed you all the time… And to get to strut like they do on the runway… How cool is that? People look at me funny when I try to do it here in the country…

Do you know what you will wear tomorrow? Typical workday garb… nothing special… I need a new wardrobe…

Your motivation for tomorrow? To feed my kids… & let’s not forget about myself…

What is the last thing you put your lips against? Sierra Mist free… but I would absolutely kill for a diet dew… but I will refrain… I’m trying out this new thing called “willpower”…

Have you ever gone two or more days without changing your underwear? Yes… one time when I was in a depressed mood & didn’t care if my undies were funky… yes, it’s gross… I see that now… then though it didn’t matter…

Have you ever accidentally eaten an insect? Yes, and purposely ate one in a lollipop…there is nothing like a sugary sweet insect… ewww..

What serial killer do you find most disturbing? Ahhh… I’m gonna say all of them… serial killers are disturbed people…

Are you ever purposely irritating? To my daughters… it is my entertainment!

What was the last thing you used you debit card for? I think for a soda & a biscuit…

Are you cheating on your significant other right now? I’m free to cheat… so I guess that is not really cheating, huh?

Are you contemplating cheating on your significant other right now? If I had an significant other… who knows…

When was the last time you sat down and watched kiddie cartoons? Saturday

Do you sleep with one leg out from under the covers? Occasionally I’ll let one (leg I mean) loose…

Do you have any text messages that you would be embarrassed to let your mom read? Not at the moment… but I have in the past…there are just some things I don’t show my mom… Of course they were probably forwards from my dad... he has a wicked sense of humor..

How old would you be when you finally have kids/ or next kids? I’m DONE!!!

Have you ever thought about converting to a new religion? Nope… can’t think of one. Would love to learn how to perform a Tibetan chant though…

Do you know anyone with the same first name as you? Yeah, several people… & we are all hot…

When was the last time you went to church? Too long ago…

What song plays on your Myspace profile page? The first on the playlist is “Come Out & Play” by the Offspring.

What were you doing the last time you were in the bathroom? Pissing…

Have you ever had a Razr as a phone? Had its relative the SLVR once.

Which energy drink is better; Amp or Rockstar? Red Bull with Vodka…

Would you rather eat a Milky Way or eat a Twix? If it is chocolate I’ll eat it… even a bug… Fry it and drizzle chocolate on that cricket, man…

Do you like that new shoe smell? Leather shoes sure.

Do you like the taste of licorice? I’d rather drink Jagermeister. Same taste better buzz.

Would you ever walk around with a free hugs sign like the dude on YouTube? Nah, I don’t want that many people touching me… But I might walk around with one that said free ass grabs… but not people grabbing mine… I get to give them one… so much better don’t you think?

Did you ever flip out on a teacher and walk out of a class? Nah… they whoop your ass here in the south.

Do you/did you ever have dreams of being a rock star? I can’t believe you asked that… I am a rock star… Dammit…

If vegetarians think it’s wrong to eat living things, why do they eat plants? I got another question… do vegetarians have oral sex???? We are talking about eating…& humans are not plants... I’m just sayin’

If you were to compare your real family to a TV family, which one would they closely resemble? The Simpsons…

What advice would you give to a new blogger? Just write…

What imaginary pet would you love to own? A unicorn… or a winged horse…

What was your favorite book as a child? Nancy Drew…. (see Kylie… Kindred Spirits again)

Out of all the cars you owned which one was your favorite? My malachite green Beretta

What is the coldest place/state that you ever visited? Wisconsin

As a child did you ever walk to school or carry your lunch? Nope… rode a bus (not a short one) & ate at the “crap”teria…

Did you ever have such a busy day that you didn’t know whether to scratch your watch or wind your behind? Most days…& this is a long ass survey….thingy

Ever rode in a hot air balloon? No…but I will given the opportunity.

Have you ever fainted? Nope, never…

What is your favorite quote? “Well behaved women rarely make history” ‘nuff said…

Sweet War

2008-12-28T11:28:00.002-06:00

Today the countries of Lou and Mulan were embroiled in a catastrophic battle over an alleged theft of sweet confections. The government of Mulan accuses the population of Lou of the taking of her delectable candy.

The Mulan Federation suggested that the Nation of Lou invaded her territory in what appears to be an attempt of terrorism. Lou covertly ousted the confections of mass ingestion from Mulan, which incited a war between the two countries. There were tensions between the two from a previous riotous encounter involving a territorial claim of a pair of jeans last week. This has lead to an on-going crisis between the two.

An eyewitness recounts the dispute.

Kingdom of Mulan: Who took my candy?

Lou Commonwealth: It is my candy too.

Union of Mulan: You already ate your part. Give it back!

Principality of Lou: (ingesting another piece of candy) Nope...

Independent State of Mulan: I’m getting my candy… (Grabs at candy)

The screeching hostile territories of Mulan & Lou: MMMAAAMMMAAA!!!!

Enters the nation of Switzermama.

The neutral nation of Switzermama: (exasperated) Y’all share the candy…

Mulan Republic: THAT is MY candy!!!!

Mulan proceeds to push Lou...

The Grand Duchy of Lou: I’m ABOUT to punch YOU in the FACE!!!!

The Sultanate of Mulan: BRING….. IT….. ON!!!!!

Switzermama rolls her eyes, shrugs & walks off… (But not after she slyly embezzles her own piece of candy.)

Mulan and Lou mount offensive and defensive operative measures simultaneously

After many strategic tactical measures, Mulan mounts a strike & removes the candy from Lou’s possession. Mulan then hastily retreats.

Lou launches pillow missiles strikes. Mulan trips over the small peaceful nation of Cleo leaving minor damage.
Lou launches a second pillow missile strike hitting the densely populated region of Mulan, called “The Buttocks.” No casualties were reported.

Mulan escapes to safety & shoves the coveted candy in her mouth while singing a victory song. Lou promises retaliation in the future.

Neither nation could be reached for comment and refused all attempts for interviews. The nation of Switzermama had this comment.

“Sometimes there is no peaceful solution when two hormonal nations are in a bitter (yet sweet) war over the priceless commodity of chocolate.”

Unwell...

2008-12-19T12:36:00.005-06:00

Just how unwell can you get?

Stomach virus… need I say more… I had it yesterday. It has gone through my office infecting every coworker at varying degrees. I have to say I had it to the less degree than most of my coworkers. I was lucky… but still it wears you down… makes my defenses weak. Not just physically but emotionally.

I have been feeling the emotional weakness begin to creep in this week. I’ve been blue. Depressed… just crummy feeling. I have begun to miss Moonpie. This was not good… not good at all.

I’m not sure what triggered it. It could have been Louise & Lightning Bug’s marriage. They were friends of ours. Now since Moonpie left they are only my friends. Hey, that is what happens when you abandon people… even friends.

Anyway, Louise & LB have had their ups & downs. LB stepped up his game though and proved how much he loved Louise. I am very happy that they are married. I want both of them to be so happy. But… it made me wish Moonpie could have done that for me…not necessarily the marriage thing… just proving how much he loved me…

I haven’t heard from Moonpie since his last short email about a month or so ago. I have sent him some forward emails and even the “I hate you” email with no response. So why did I have to send him an email about Louise & LB’s marriage? I guess I wanted him to see there are happy endings in life even if they are not mine. Moonpie responded. He said lots of things that are a stark contrast of his actions. He loves me still (yet he left me)… that kind of thing.

Since reading his email, the emotions have been whirling around in this thick head and soft heart of mine. The heart has been singing… “He loves me, he loves me…” My head has been screaming… “Get real idiot… look what he did to you!” Then throw in my stomach turmoil with it own mantra…”I’m gonna vomit…” You see what I mean by unwell… I am so very unwell… not ill… (okay, maybe a little with the stomach)… but unwell… unhealthy… maybe a little mad (in the mental reference)

On the way home yesterday, while trying not to spew… and keeping the sphincter clinched… I lost the emotions… You know there is only so much you can hold in. I was tired and felt bad… something had to give… (Thank God, it wasn’t the sphincter control)… On the radio, that new song by Lesley Roy came on… it is called “Unbeautiful”… I lost the control of my emotions. I sobbed & screamed & cursed & prayed… I ran the gambit of every emotion I had in me… It was a 45 minute drive home so I had plenty of time to expend it all. By the time I got home I had some “swole” up eyes (In the south it is swole… not swelled) & I was exhausted.

I went to bed and pretty much slept pitifully with everything playing in my head and in my heart with a few stomach stabbings thrown in for good measure. I woke up at midnight drenched in sweat. My tummy felt better and my thick head had won out over my soft heart. I know there is no way he could have loved me and did the things he did… It doesn’t make it any easier knowing that. I’m probably still a little unwell in this department. What did make me feel better is: I was over the virus for the most part…and I did not blow chunks not one time… and the fact that I have excellent sphincter control…

All about me... there will be a test...

2008-12-11T15:37:00.000-06:00

Liz is part of my name & not the name I go by in public.

I am 40… fat, fair, & fertile (at least before tubal this year)… that means I am more likely to get gallstones than other age demographics.

I am a registered nurse (that’s why I know about gallstones), but I no longer do the usual nurse like duties… I work with nursing and computers in the information technology department.

I have two daughters that are teenagers. Their nicknames are Lou and Mulan. They are the source of my joy and my insanity.

I have 3 cats, Cash, Skyler, and Cleo. I also have 5 dogs, Toby, Sparky, Anna, Layla, and Coco. Anna is a 3 legged hunting dog we adopted.

I live in a rural part of Mississippi. (okay, that was stupid… Mississippi is about all rural…)

I live across from my mom and dad… my heroes along with being my nosey neighbors.

I live near my only sister. I am the oldest. She is the prettiest. I am the friendliest. She is the funniest. We look nothing alike.

My blood type is B positive just like my personality. My sister’s is B negative just like her personality…hee, hee…

My best friend, Q (not really her name), is a fellow nurse and co-worker. We met in nursing school and have been friends for approximately 16 years.

I am divorced from Lou and Mulan’s father after 13 years of marriage. I have been divorced for 3 or 4 years… I’ve lost count.

People probably think Q and I are lesbians because we are so close, but we are not. Q is married. People probably think it is a cover…

I was bit on the face by a German Shepherd in the 4th grade. I have only two little scars from it. I peed in my pants when it happened…

Jesus is my Savior and I am his problem child. I am a registered Baptist, but I am more spiritual than religious.

Since I told you that I might as well confess a sin as well… I cuss way too much with the “F” word being one of my favorite words. I am still a sinner even though I am spiritual. I am not perfect… nor do I pretend to be.

I try not to say the “F” word in the presence of my kids. I figure they will be saying it soon enough without me influencing them.

I am addicted to Diet Mountain Dews. I piss straight Diet Dew some days… Is that TMI?

I love to read. My favorite author is Dean Koontz.

Some of my favorite songs are “She talks to angels” by The Black Crowes, “Me and Bobby McGee” by Janis Joplin, “When a man loves a woman” by Percy Sledge, “18th floor Balcony” by Blue October and “Superfreak” by Rick James.

I love rock music! AC/DC, Aerosmith, The Black Crowes, Blue October, Janis Joplin and others…

My favorite comedian is Jeff Dunham with his puppets.

I have too many favorite movies to name, but I’m very partial to any 80’s movies… Maximum Overdrive, Night of the Comet, Breakfast Club, etc.

I love to visit cemeteries when no one is there. Not at night… during the day, during sunshine… it is quiet and you can think and put all your problems in perspective… cause in the end… is it really gonna matter?

Anything else you wanna know?

Brrrrr.... winter ramblings..

2008-12-05T16:20:00.000-06:00

Brrrrrr….
It has been cold here this week.
I live in the north part of my state.
Last time I checked Mississippi is still in the south.
Why does it have to be so cold then?
I know it is winter.
I hate winter.
I hate being cold.
It makes me hurt.
It makes me grumpy.
My hands & feet are the coldest.
I swear I must have Raynaud’s.
I bet I do.
I always think I have something though.
Can you say hypochondria?
I complain constantly of my hands being cold at work.
A co-worker bought me fingerless gloves to shut me up.
They allow me to type accurately.
But now my fingers are freezing.
I may have to do a little inaccurate typing.
You think it would be warm inside.
But I think it snows in our office.
I begged God to give me a house on the beach.
I told him I’d learn to like sand.
Sand bugs me.
But I’d learn to love it for the sun and warmth.
I’m still waiting on that blessing to arrive.
So I sit here with fingerless gloves & a quilt…
Inside…
Shivering…

Post Scriptum

I have 2 followers...yay me! Or better yet... Yay them! They are my beloved "Andy" from Wild ARS Chase and "Kylie" from RandomThoughts by Kylie. I am so excited... even in the cold.

Hey, Kylie, I've tried to post comments on your blogs, but couldn't... Either your comments are messed up or I'm remedial....

Thank you guys for reading! It is much appreciated... Maybe it will get better with time. lol

Life requires a big box of crayons.

2008-12-01T08:02:00.000-06:00

While relatively new to blogging on this site, I decide after reading Wild ARS Chase‘s blog to take his challenge. I have to admit I’ve read what some of the other bloggers have written, and I am more than a little bit intimidated. There are some awesome blogs out there. And I also have to admit I want to impress Andy... I think I have crush on him... Let’s face it, we don’t have many metrosexuals where I live in the South so he totally fascinates me... Of course, Capricorn has nothing to worry about because I am a Virgo... & you know what they say about Virgos... yeah... um, what do they say about Virgos? Because I really have no idea, but I hope it is fanciful and exciting... Oh, yeah, and then there is the whole age thing... Andy is even too young for this cougar... (rawr...yawn..) I know it hurts me too, Andy...

Okay, now that I have confessed my unwavering devotion to Andy and then gently let him down from the hope of a future with me, let me get back to the challenge...

Andy requested his readers to write a post about:
A) Something nobody knows about you, or
B) One of your favorite stories from your childhood, or
C) Your 10 Top Favorite (Fill in the Blank)

Oh, what to do... what TO do...

Heck let’s go with option B

I always liked fitting in with the other kids at school. I remember it started with the first grade. If one girl had a certain hair bow, then by all means I wanted one too. I remember that one little girl had the largest box of crayons that I had ever seen. It even had a crayon sharpener in the back of the box. Oh, how I envied that little girl... It made my box of 8 crayons look like a matchbox in a crate store. My mom heard for days about how I just had to have the box of 64 crayons. I was sure my social, along with intellectual, status at table number one depended on it. I never got that big gigantic box of crayons.... What was my fate to be in this world of crayon elitists? Would I ever be accepted by the others of table number one?

Weeks later, our teacher wanted to test our knowledge of math. We had been learning to add together single digit numbers. Now the teacher wanted to see how we did at subtraction of single digit numbers. We had never seen anything that was like on this sheet she handed us. Where was our beloved plus sign???? The teacher told us to try to figure out how to work it on our own. What??? She said, "If you need to, guess at the answer. I just want to see what you know. We will go over the answers later." Guess??? Is that allowed??? I looked around the table at the other kids... They looked back at me with confusion in their eyes.. Except for one girl... Samantha...

Samantha said, "Hey, I know how to do this. I’ll help you out. I have done this before." Then she proceed to help us out..... by telling us what to put down on our papers. I was so glad I was back in the fold since that disastrous crayon debacle. I was accepted... I was one of the masters of subtraction.... thanks to Samantha having done this before. Ahhh.... this almost made up for the on the wrong side of the crayon colored tracks.

The next day our teacher handed us back our papers. All of ours at table number one had a big "U" on them. Though I didn’t know what it meant at the time, I knew that couldn’t be a good thing. The teacher called all of our table to her desk at the front of the room. She said, " I gave you all an "U" for unsatisfactory on your papers. I told you to try to do the subtraction sheet. I did not tell you to copy off each others papers and cheat." What cheat???? What is that??? She continued saying, " You each will be getting a paddling for cheating. You should never use someone else’s answers.!" A paddling???? As like a whipping on my ever so tender bottom with that large piece of wood? Oh, I could fill the water works beginning... But I’m a good girl, I thought. Did this mean I was destined to wear the Scarlet "C" for cheater on my chest. My inner voice screamed, "But I don’t have the color scarlet in my crayon box! I only have red... No fancy color of scarlet!!! I can not do scarlet!!"

After the teacher gave me my paddling, I tearfully looked at her and whined, "but Samantha said she could help us with this. She said she knew how to do it because she done it before..."
The teacher looked at me with a sympathetic smile, " Well, Liz, Samantha has done it before. This is her second time in the first grade. She failed last year. I hope you learned your lesson."
As I did my walk of shame back to that blasted table number one, watching Samantha giggle about getting into trouble, I made a solemn vow to myself...I would never, ever name any my pets or beloved stuffed animals Samantha... and if I ever have a daughter, not only will her name not be Samantha, but I will always keep her supplied with a box of 64 crayons. Because at that moment in my heart... I knew this subtraction tragedy wouldn’t have happened if only I had a big box of crayons!!!!

Well, there you have it. The workings of my 6 year old brain. I must say my brain still rationalizes things like that...

(In)trepidation

2008-11-18T15:05:00.000-06:00

Trepidation means timorous uncertain agitation or apprehension. Yeah, I looked it up on Merriam-Webster. I knew what it meant but I didn't know how to put it into words. But that is how I felt when I drove my Dodge Intrepid yesterday. Serious apprehension.... uncertain agitation... let's just add some major anxiety as well. It wasn't because of the car or it's performance. You see yesterday was the first time I have driven my car since I have gotten it back. After it was stolen by Moonpie.

I was very apprehensive about driving it again... because I knew the feelings were going to flood me again. The last time I was in this car I was happy. I had my Moonpie. Things were good. And now... now things are different.

I sat down in the car and tried not to think of the day that the sun was shining & Moonpie was driving and we had the windows down. The smile on our faces as we were singing and enjoying being together. Just me and him...no kids... that was very rare and precious. The passionate kisses... the holding of hands... the laughter. I tried not to think of looking at his profile and thinking of how lucky I was to have him in my life. I tried not to remember that but I failed...

I was suprised at myself though. Instead of tears this time, the anger came. I was angry that he took so much from me. I was angry that he stole my heart and broke it into the million pieces that I can't seem to recover. I was so damn angry that he hurt my girls and made them feel vunerable. I was angry for all the words that were said by him... I remember one of the very last sentences said to me..."You know I love you, right?"

With the anger arriving... the trepidation left... There was no uncertain agitation... I knew where my agitation was focused... there was no apprehension... The anger had finally arrived and I was welcoming it! And with that I knew... I'm going to be alright... I'm finding the pieces to my broken heart... it looks like a couple were found in my Intrepid.

Bad Day

2008-11-12T10:09:00.000-06:00

I had kind of a bad day yesterday... It was trying to rain here so old softball injuries where really bothering me. My sinuses were still on the fritz, & so I was feeling overall crummy.

Then my BFF gave me a talking to because I didn't stay on budget like she said for me to... She is helping me sort out my financial disaster of the summer...(She has basically taken control... Thank God!) So she was very disappointed in me.

My job was a pain yesterday. I was "on call" so when problems arise I got the calls. So at my daughter's basketball game... I got called out several times & missed most of the game. Not that it mattered because when the coach asked her if she wanted to play... she said, "no". She is having major issues with shyness right now. So between the calls I was getting & the trying to boost my oldest daughter, Lou's confidence... I was stressed.

Once we get home, my youngest daughter, Mulan, shows me her progress report. Several F's... 2 D's, & 1 C... I just burst out crying... I was so tired... & stressed... My youngest daughter has been battling with her grades since kindergarten... We go for ADD testing on Friday... I'll try anything to help her.

So yesterday was not a good day... I just had a bad day!

Even though today is has not started out great... it is rainy & cold... & my sinuses are still yucky... I'm going to think positive... I know we have to have the bad days to appreciate the good ones... & you know things could always be worse... I just keep telling myself "this too shall pass"!

Side note : I did find an artist that I am crazy about his work... It is different yet very beautiful. Check out http://www.waystudios.com/

I think I have found a skill...

2008-11-10T12:34:00.000-06:00

I played poker for the first time this weekend... but what is the weirdest thing is I won... Crazy, huh? I wish I could say I was that skilled & caught on quickly but who am I kidding? Half the time I was thinking I had something else when I laid down my cards like a pair... but the people I was playing with would say, "Wow, you got a flush!" or "You go, you have a straight".... So I can't take any credit for it really... It was Beginner's luck or God's grace...lol I just got great cards most of the time. I think the guys I was playing poker with really got frustrated with me... they kept saying they didn't know how to read me. They said I would just bet on anything which tickled me cause it was true... but, hey, it worked didn't it... I won!!! Even if I didn't mean to do it! I had a great time, but dang, it was a little long. We started playing at around 7:30 pm & finished at 1:15 in the morning... I was exhausted, but absolutely happy about winning...

The rest of the weekend was spent recovering from staying out so late. I felt like a zombie. I guess the Bud Light Lime that I drank didn't help matters either. Tasted good at that moment. I also had to try a cigar. Even though I don't smoke... I have always wanted to puff on a cigar. So I did... &.... it is not something I want to do again... I think it has triggered my allergies cause now my sinuses are killing me. Note to self: Even though it looks a helluva lot cooler than just smoking a cigarette... Cigar smoking is still smoking, dumbass... Lesson learned on that!

Now the poker... I may have to get into that... seems like I may have some skill at it... Look out Tunica... or maybe even Las Vegas... yeah, whatevah...lol...

Skyler's follow up note...=^..^=

2008-11-07T15:56:00.000-06:00

I got Skyler home yesterday after her surgical procedure... She made sure she howled all the way home which is a 45 minute drive from the clinic to our house. (at least she didn't pee everywhere again...) I had put her in the front seat with me thinking that she may need me in her altered state in case she was sick & too groggy to move & couldn't keep from choking on vomit or something... I was so wrong! That cat was climbing & banging on her pet carrier... screeching & howling... I was a nervous wreck! I even stopped & got her some beef jerky to shut her up... It did no good! The howling continued all the way home... I just joined in after awhile.

As soon as I let her out of the pet carrier. She did not make another sound. She went straight to her food & ate. And glared at me with disdain. She also bounced around & climbed to the very tip top of my kitchen cabinets to jump across the kitchen... WTH??? I do believe I was down for a little bit after I had surgery... I guess cats are different. I think Skyler would just say I'm a wimp!

I do think the anesthesia did something to her brain though... She was wild! But she looks cute when she lies back & you can see her fat little shaved belly with the big green tattoo ink spot! I wonder why the vet picks the color green to mark them? Hmmm... at least she will never get pinched on St. Patty's Day!

Cats... getting cut & not making the cut...

2008-11-06T13:09:00.000-06:00

When the infamous stealing, lying, former boyfriend, Moonpie, was actually someone I loved dearly, he wanted a cat to live with him in his apartment. Now I tried to gently remind him that his lease says "NO PETS" but he insisted that one little cat wouldn't matter to them. So my daughters & I went with him to look at some free kittens. Now this was at the beginning of our relationship, & he was trying to get in good with my girls... so he suggested that they also get a kitten. I wasn't exactly for that because... well, we already had the best cat in the world, my cat, Cash... & we just recently lost the cat from hell that tore our whole house apart, Feebs... Also we had 5 dogs to take care of... so I didn't want anymore animals... period! But of course, my girls pouting, Moonpie's cunning personality & me, being the biggest sucker ever.... we got two new kittens... & they were wild ass kittens...

Fast forward, a few weeks later & Moonpie gets the eviction notice that if he doesn't get rid of the cat then he is gone... So yep, you guessed it... Miss Sucker here gets that cat too. So now I have 3 cats at my house. But that wasn't the worst cause dang, if eventually I didn't get Moonpie too... hmmm...

After Moonpie moved in with me & the girls, I actually thought life was going to be lovely with 3 cats (Cash, Cleo, & Skyler). Moonpie was very attentive to them. They loved him... even the grumpy old cat, Cash... (who likes no one, but me)... We were a big happy family!

Then one morning I wake up & go into the room that Moonpie slept in & attempted to snuggle next to him. Something very small pushed it's way between him & me. OH, now, wait a minute... this is much smaller than our other cats.... I be damned if it was the cutest, littlest kitten & he had a bobbed tail... But crap, he was still a cat!!!!! oh, no, no, no, NO!

Of course, Moonpie came up with some story of finding him outside in the yard.... (Really with all of our dogs???) He had to save him. My girls immediately fell in love with him... They crooned, "Look, Mama, he is just so tiny... Look he is even sucking on our clothes! Awwww!" I ask you what is a gullible sucker of a woman to do?!?! So here came another cat into our family circle... Moonpie wanted to call him Lucky. My youngest came up with the name Llama Bean. She said because "he looks like a llama when he runs & he is as little as a bean." So Lucky Llama Bean became his name or L. L. Bean or just Bean for short. We should have called him Sir Shits-a-lot... cause that is what he did... & never in the litter box... no matter how many times we showed him how... (no we didn't shit in the litter box... you know what I mean...) Aren't cat's born with this innate ability???? Not Bean... Also the sucking got worse... & as he grew it wasn't so cute... & ewww... it weirded me out.

I insisted we get these cats "fixed"! We first got Cleo fixed... I can never remember if it is spayed or neutered... It is neutered for males right? Anyway, we didn't want him to start that awful spraying stuff... have you ever??? man, nasty stuff... He did fine with the little surgical procedure...

So my little misfit family just trucks it right along until the big abandonment from Moonpie. You know it is one thing to abandoned me & my girls... but helllllooooo.... what about the cats.... So I get stuck with a now neutered male with a girl's name (Cleo... really Cleopatra), a female cat who is in heat & screeching the most pitiful song (Skyler) & the most shitting, not to mention he nurses constantly on my clothes, cat ever (Bean).... Is this Karma??? I don't think I ever did anything to animals that might have resulted in this... okay, wait, there were those possums that time... but really, Lord, I tried...

After another month of cleaning up kitty cat crap & pulling the furry suction cup off of me five hundred times a day... I finally gave Bean away yesterday. I had given him chance after chance to hit the litter box but finally after having to move my king size bed for the second time to clean up cat shit... He had to go... Let's just say the natives (my kids) are not happy with me. But hey, do they want their mom closer to sanity or slowly becoming the crazy old cat lady?... I just couldn't handle it... Anyway, the lady who got Bean will take care of him so I'm not too worried.

Today has been another day in the cat business... I took the screeching Skyler to get spayed... (or is that neutered???) Of course, I had her in the very back of my Expedition in the pet carrier but that didn't keep her from howling all the way... She finally got very quiet & I smelled a strong ammonia odor... Yep, she pissed all over herself & was happy... I, on the other hand, almost wrecked & gagged before I could get my windows open... When I got to the clinic I carried the pet carrier at arms length telling the vet tech... "She had a little accident..." That little vet tech gave me the most appreciative look.... (not hardly)...

So now I wait... I go get Skyler later & all my kitties will be fixed... No more baby kitties... Yippie ki yay!!!

And I hope & I pray that no other cats are brought to me to care for in a very long, long time.

And as far as Moonpie... May the fleas of a thousand cats infest his crotch for abandoning us... Cleo now loves me best... so there!

That's not harsh, is it???? Nah, that would be justice... =^. .^=

UnAmerican???

2008-11-05T14:52:00.000-06:00

I didn't go vote yesterday. And I got reamed for it... I've been told I'm unAmerican... I have been criticized extensively...

You know I have voted every election probably since I turned 18 years old. But this year I made a conscious effort not to go vote. I honestly did not want to vote.

I had no idea who I wanted to vote for. I was totally undecided. Maybe I am even a little disillusioned with the government. Does any politician really do what they say they are going to do???

So I made the choice not to go vote. I let everyone else decide for me. That is something I do believe in... that if you don't make a choice... someone will make the choice for you... So I voluntarily let that happen.

So I took the election year off this year... I will probably vote the next election. I will serve my time when I'm called to jury duty. I will honor my country & pray for it daily. I will respect the president that we will have. I love the United States of America! But I used my freedom this time to not vote... So why am I catching so much flack from that???

The Adventures of Sunshine & Moonpie

2008-10-27T15:07:00.000-05:00

I loved him. I loved him before I met him. I fell in love with his mind, his voice, his sense of humor and I thought his character.

I was absolutely crazy stupid over him. Even when I found out about some flaws that would normally be deal breakers for me... They didn't matter it was physical... He was a good person and he loved me... or so I thought...

Friends and family tried to hint and warn me. I think God tried to even warn me.. But I had become blind. The old saying proved true... LOVE IS BLIND.

Even after we were together the red flags appeared waving frantically in my face. All that I could see was how pretty they were and push them out of my way... so I could see him. He had me mesmerized. Even when more flaws presented themselves... they mattered very little... it was just a part of him. It wasn't going to affect how I felt. I could love him and any flaw... I believed in him... He was my beloved and I was his... right?

Even with the added stress of trying to financially keep it all together... even the added pressures he put on me... people saw how insanely happy I was. My friends and family wondered why he always seemed to have the worst luck... It didn't clue me to question why he was what he called himself, a "Schleprock"... He was my Schleprock and I would take care of him... As I always told him it is just another "Adventure of Sunshine and Moonpie". I thought we could make it through anything. We would last FOREVER...

Somehow... at sometime... forever became a very short moment in time.... He left to go on a short trip to take care of business... We made plans for Sunshine and Moonpie to have more adventures upon his return... But the return never happened.. Where is my Moonpie?
The red flags appeared again- more urgently than before... along with alarms from every direction. It became clear..... He was gone. And I was left to pay the price ALONE...
Emotions overwhelmed me... confusion, disbelief, shock... I felt lost... so alone... scared... and most of all hurt... complete and utter pain. The pain of him leaving me almost left me emotionally desolate.

All I could see and think was how blind I had been... how stupid I had become.. I was scared of myself and my own judgement... I was so wrong about him. I didn't believe the people I love and trust the most because I was too busy believing in him... trusting him... loving him.

And here I was alone. While he took from me my car, my money, my possessions, my trust and my heart. Even with losing all of that... that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was losing the respect of family, friends, and my sweet daughters. That is how I felt. That I had let everyone down ... especially my daughters. I had brought a man into not only my life but theirs for them to like and become part of our family. And he used it... and then he hurt us.... he took from my daughters and that is what upset me the most.

As I sat at home crying, distraught, and unable to form a rational thought, God watched out for me. He sent his angel and my very best friend to take care of me. I can't even began to explain how much she has taken care of me. She has let me cry and never judged me for my stupidity. Even when I know she was totally against the relationship from the beginning. She helped me and she is still helping me through one of the most trying times in my life. I can never express how very grateful I am that I have her in my life and I thank God for her everyday. I would do anything for her.

As the days have gone by, I see that my family and friends and especially my daughters don't think too badly of me. I have heard that they sill love and respect me. I have not heard one "I told you so.." I have found out that my family is so very awesome. I see that I actually do have the world's best parents and daughters a person could have. Also this has brought my sister and I so much closer, which I have been wishing would happen for a long time. The people that I work with have been so supportive of me. They have showered me with love and hugs and prayers. I am absolutely blessed to have a boss and work family that I have. My wonderful dear friends... I can never say enough "thank yous"... the emails, the texts, the phone calls, the hugs and all the shoulders I cried on have got me through the worst part. I don't think I could have made it without any of them. I have found out how loved I am when I didn't feel like I was worth loving at all...

Does this mean I am over it all???... God, I wish... I wish it was that easy. No, it is going to take me awhile to completely recover. As I said in a previous blog, the next time I fell in love I wasn't going to hold back. I was going to jump in with both feet and all of my heart. And man, did I do that! I LOVED that man with every part of me. And now every part of me is hurting. But my heart will recover... Time will see to that...

In the meantime, I'll have my good days and I'll have my bad days... The bad days happen when I miss him. I miss what "could have been" not what the reality was. Some days these are so intense and so very hard to bear. I know these days will get further apart... I know... nothing last forever...and didn't I just find out forever is only a short period of time???

Each day I find myself getting stronger and more sure of myself... each day my best friend and my daughters, friends and family are there if I stumble... Each day God shows me how wonderful and blessed my life actually is... because even though he took so much from me and at times I feel so alone... I am in reality not alone. I have a supportive family, lasting friendships, and the sweetest daughters who love me... for me and all of my mistakes...I am not the one who is alone.
It is obvious to me now that me and my daughters meant very little to him. That I as a partner meant so very little to him. He has something in his life that is way more important... whether it is drugs, another person or the voices in his head... I know now that it is not ME...

No one could have loved him more... believed in him more... or trusted him more...but that wasn't enough for him... He opted to abandon that...

And with that.... this concludes the adventures of Sunshine and Moonpie...